DSis awaiting cancer diagnosis & I'm terrified

[pdlib]

How do you get through the days leading up to diagnosis/prognosis? I'm v close to DSis & terrified for her. It's a tumour in her lung. What if it's spread? I don't feel strong enough to cope with news that time is short. I've never been an anxious person but I'm spiralling.. feel sick constantly. How do you cope/ support if it's a terminal diagnosis? Why am I just assuming it's that? Does it have to be that.. if in lung? That's not good is it? Please, those here who can help give advice on how to cope, share your tips. I feel like I'm on the edge of a cliff. Please send stories of hope. I just want to run away & wake up in my old life. And I know this is all about me.. but it is because I need to be strong for her..

I’m so sorry, it’s the absolute worst limbo land imaginable. I had this with my dad. I completely identify with that feeling of wanting to wake up in your old life! I think I just tried to take things a day at a time and try to be optimistic but also tell myself that whatever it turned out to be we would deal with it. I’m sure you are a great support to your sister & I very much hope you get good news that it hasn’t spread and is treatable

Sending love and good wishes xx

Sending love ❤️

Our DS1 (25) was diagnosed in June with a grade 4 brain tumour.

Create a bucket list with your sister.

You just need to take one day at a time and be positive. Don’t forget to look after yourself too xx

It's horrible waiting, isn't it.

Focus on what you know, not the what-ifs. It might not be bad news - and of course it might be, but until you know what you are dealing with, stick with the known facts.

My aunt had a tumour in her lung 10 years ago. It was cancer, she is in remission. She has just paid for a trip to go on the Trans-Siberian railway 🙂

If it is bad news, then you will cope, because that's what people do.

Big hugs xx

Sorry your DSIS and you as a family are going through this.

Everyone processes these things in their own way. When I was found out it was intense and quite surreal like what had been tethering me to reality had been severed.

It can feel all consuming. I found having a designated time to just feel it all and think all the thoughts helpful. I used to have this in the shower just let myself feel it and cry and think all the scary thoughts then switch the water off and try to not let my imagination run wild the rest of the time.

The unknown is super scary but try to not let your brain torment you with worst case thoughts. Easier said than done I know but when I caught my imagination running off down dark places I’d tell myself if I was going to be this creative I should write a novel!

Try to take the lead from your dsis as to what she wants to do. She may want to talk about it/be sad/angry/etc or she might want to not talk about it much and focus on normal things. I know after the initial shock I felt quite firmly that if there were going to be hard days ahead when I might be not feeling good, having treatment, or whatever I didn’t want to waste the days then where I did feel well and able to do things.

I personally found it best to stay away from google especially re any prognosis. Everyone’s experience with cancer is different and stats aren’t going to inform what will definitely happen to any individual.

MacMillan be are great - you can call them to talk through things as a relative of someone with cancer. They have a supportive line and more of a medical questions type line.

Best to you all.

I'm sorry, I can really relate to the feeling of being removed from your old life.
When my dad was diagnosed it felt exactly like that and I was just wanted to wake up.

The fact is that you do cope, especially without a choice.

I would say take your lead from your sister if the diagnosis is not the best.
Let her set the tone and don't be afraid to let her say the scary stuff. .
I used to sit with my dad and sometimes he wanted to talk about being scared, sometimes he wanted to understand the process of exactly what would be the end.

I used to come away exhausted and sometimes like I just wanted to be sick but I am so glad I sat with him and never shut him down.

Be very kind to yourself, if you are support in a difficult situation then you will also need support and extra care.

Read up on 'anticipatory grief' to understand your own reactions a little better.

Best wishes and lots of luck to your sister and you.

@pdlib I'm so sorry your sister is going through this.

There is hope, I had lung cancer in 2009 and I'm still here, obviously 😁. I won't sugar coat it for you, that would be cruel, the treatment was a bit brutal, but I understand the operation involved in my treatment is now available through key hole surgery.

The waiting until you get your definite diagnosis (which type of lung cancer, if it's spread etc) took me from 13/10 (initial diagnosis) to 22/12 (decision on treatment and provisional prognosis) is hard. Though, to be honest I got a bit fed up of being miserable after two weeks and decided I was just wasting, what could be, very precious and limited time worrying about the eventual prognosis. So I decided to enjoy myself, with many lunches with friends and just generally spoiling myself with nice food, drinks and whatever I fancied.

There were two things I did do. Firstly, I was signed off sick from work. I was a senior manager at the time and really didn't feel I could cope with having to handle other problems. And secondly, I asked my friends and family to try not to cry in front of me and to save their crying until they were with others who could support t hem. I just found that all my emotional energy had to go into supporting me, and i had very little left to help them. I'm sure that was hard for some of t hem, but they seemed to understand.

there are a number of different types of lung cancer, and everyone's journey is individual to them and, here comes the cliche, cancer is a word, not a sentance.

good luck

Thank you all. Your words and wisdom have really helped calm me. So many people must go through this hell. It's awful.

Well it is the very worse news. I'm not coping very well. Please send strength & practical advice if you too have been in this horrific situation x

If you want info or to talk to anyone the Roy Castle Lung Foundation are really helpful. My DH had LC, have they done a biopsy to see if it will respond to targeted therapies ?

I’m so sorry.

I am so very sorry to hear the news was bad.
How are you doing today?

Oh OP, I'm so sorry. A close family member passed away this year after having throat cancer and I'm still processing everything.

I was so distressed during the early stages after his diagnosis and treatment but I also kind of froze when I was around him, didn't know what to do or say. I think, despite me being so crap at it, all you can do is be honest and open. If you're feeling overwhelmed, or you don't know what to say, you can say that to her. I'm sending you much love and strength at this difficult time.

I've had a very dark couple of days. I'm actually ok around her, very strong & positive.. but once I leave her I descend into despair & utter fear. I am so scared of seeing her through this & how I'll emerge through it too.. I know I'll never be the same person again. I try & forget about it, then it hits me.. I try & sit with the feelings but they don't go away.. I want to feel normal & carefree. How do people live with this hanging over them? I could really do with some stories of hope or practical advice. I know they say live in the moment but how? My mind keeps wandering..

Op I'm so sorry. I've been where you are. Be kind to yourself, give yourself time to process this horrible news. Don't worry about how you should feel or what you should be doing. Just do what you need to do to get through the day, whether that looks like keeping busy or staring at a wall or something in between for you. It's a huge, life changing shock.

I found good support online. There are lots of individuals and families sharing their journeys on twitter and blogs and probably Facebook groups you can join if that way inclined. Keep posting here too.

Your sister will likely need practical support as things move on which could give you a bit more of a focus in time.