BIL not taking medication.

[Justmuddlingalong]

He's recently been diagnosed with terminal cancer, with a few months at best. I know it's his choice to refuse to take his tablets, but do I need to let his GP know, so it's on his notes, or do I just leave it?

I’d definitely let the GP know. It might save or prolonged his life. The GP will be very sensitive about it in my experience and of course it’s his decision, but I’d definitely tell them. I’d also tell them why if you know his reasons.

Honestly I'd just leave it, he won't thank you for getting the gp involved

I probably wouldn't bother telling them specifically. If he goes into hospital it'll come up anyway and if he's refusing medication (as is his right) then I doubt he'll be asking the GP for other meds.

Sorry about your brother in law

I would imagine OP's brother in law knows full well the medication might prolong his life, that's probably why he doesn't want it. It's not as clear cut as "life at any cost".

He's not on any medication that would prolong his life. Just steroids and painkillers. I just wasn't sure if I should mention it, as there's a family appointment with the GP to discuss a DNR order and his end of life care preferences, next week. 😢

DH frequently refused his painkillers and didn't like his steroids because of how they made him feel. Is BIL at the meeting? Are the hospice involved? They are the experts at pain control when he needs it.

Yes, he'll be there. The hospice aren't involved yet. He's at home. It's all been very quick, with no symptoms and a terminal diagnosis just 2 weeks ago. He's prescribed morphine tablets AM and PM, and oromorph for when it's needed, which he's never used. But I'd say he's got mild discomfort rather than pain at this stage.

I suspect that he will take it when he needs it. We had both of those at home before DH actually needed them, we also had a Just In Case box which mean that the medications for the syringe driver were here before the need was. To begin with DH managed with just paracetamol on an as and when basis, then oramorph came into play, again as and when and when the oramorph stopped giving good relief on a as and when basis he went on to the morphine tablets with paracetamol and oramorph for breakthrough pain. It is a shitty situation for all of you.

I know. It's a pish club to be a member of. Wish we could all withdraw our membership. 💐

I agree it‘s not clear cut and OP has said
It’s not to prolonged his life. I have experienced a family member refusing treatment though, then months later changing their mind and it was too late by then. So I would inform a GP if I were ever in that situation again.
If it’s painkillers and steroids OP I wouldn’t worry about telling them. Different people have different pain thresholds and also some people hate the way painkillers make them feel. Steroids can also have horrid side effects and make you feel wired.
I’m sorry your family are in this awful situation and I hope he’s getting good care 💐

Those are really good painkillers but can have massive side effects. It might be that he feels better without them

I'm prescribed morphine tablets am and pm with oramorph for breakthrough pain but half the time I refuse it. I hate the way it makes me feel. I do take my steroids every morning though
I would not thank anyone for interference in my medications. I am of sound mind and can make my own choices.
I'm sorry that your BIL is going through this.

DH refused all pain killers until 2 days before he died. I suppose it was his choice but I found it difficult, my thoughts are with you all.

It’s entirely your BIL’s decision about what he takes. It’s also entirely up to him to inform or not inform anyone, including his doctors.

it is not up to you to say or do anything.

If he has capacity, then nobody else has any right to get involved. Please respect his choices.

Thank you for your opinion @Huntswomanonthemove. I didn't have to inform anyone. He was readmitted to hospital and died 9 days after I started this thread in July.
Thanks to everyone else for your helpful and understanding posts.

i stand by what I actually said. I’ve had cancer and my sister died from cancer. My response was posted with good intent but I made a genuine mistake for which I apologise. I’m very sorry to hear about your BIL.

Tp prevent further unfortunate responses, perhaps it would be best to ask for this thread to be removed.

Fair enough. But I'd rather the thread stayed. It might help others going through the confusing, upsetting time of caring for a terminally ill relative.

@Justmuddlingalong, I can see why you want the thread to stand.
Sometimes, it's impossible to understand the logic of a person refusing medical treatment from the outside.
To illustrate, DC1 was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease that was fatal if treatment was not started.
To a large degree, they recognised that the refusal to comply wasn't sensible, but ultimately didn't want to take the drugs prescribed to them because of how they were produced. In the end, they agreed to a course of IV treatment that was successful in putting them into remission. They (and I) knew that they would have to be accountable if they refused to attend for treatment - they knew that they didn't want to refuse publicly, and that decision meant they went into remission.
A more relevant (from the point of view of the diagnosis) example is my aunt. (She ended up being diagnosed with advanced cancer. She had never 'believed in doctors and only went there as a last resort.)
She ended up paralysed due to a metastatic tumour in her spine. She continually refuses opiate drugs despite her tremendous pain. My belief is that she worried that she would lose control of herself if she were to take the drugs.
It was very painful for everyone around her to see her endure the pain she was in, but her wishes were respected.
I'm sorry your BIL passed away. It is those left behind who continue to wonder if the decisions were the right ones, because they will never get an answer.

A few typos there, but I think the meaning is clear.