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My own MH is suffering caring for DF...how to manage

5 replies

Holymole · 02/07/2022 18:53

DF is having ongoing treatment for cancer and lives alone but not far from me. Being the one who's self employed means I've taken on the lion's share of any caring that's required - it has been full on but now I just go over most days, cook several meals a week for him, and go to weekly appointments.

His MH isn't great, it's been going on for nearly a year, he's sick of feeling crap and just doesn't have much motivation to help himself (he would benefit from going for a walk daily to build his strength for example but can't be bothered unless I actually go with him). He's clearly depressed but refuses to mention it to the doctor, I've suggested counselling but he thinks that's pointless as well.

The problem is, being around him every day is making me depressed. I feel like my whole life revolves around him and I'm trying to help him but not really achieving much. I make sure I take time to do things I like when I'm not visiting him but it's really hard to switch off from it and feels never ending.

Has anyone been in this situation and how did you cope?

OP posts:
Namenic · 02/07/2022 19:08

Could anti depressants help him? Could he mention it at his next medical appt or be persuaded to see gp? Is there anyone who could give you a break for a long weekend for you to re-charge? I don’t know if macmillan or Marie curie charities have any advice.

Namenic · 02/07/2022 19:09

Sometimes ringing a specialist nurse could also be helpful - to see what support is available.

Holymole · 02/07/2022 20:39

Namenic · 02/07/2022 19:08

Could anti depressants help him? Could he mention it at his next medical appt or be persuaded to see gp? Is there anyone who could give you a break for a long weekend for you to re-charge? I don’t know if macmillan or Marie curie charities have any advice.

They probably could, but he won't mention it to his medical team. He says it's perfectly normal to feel pissed off when you have what he has and he's probably right! But in my mind PMA is important when you're fighting to build yourself back up after/during an illness and he has none of that. He also doesn't want to add any meds to the massive pile he's already taking.

OP posts:
Mumtothreeandadog · 18/07/2022 12:39

In a similar position, DM has lung cancer, but still smoking a lot. She is having chemo but she won't give up smoking, so I am basically watching kill herself

FreudayNight · 10/08/2022 08:35

He isn’t pissed off though, he’s depressed and should take action on that.

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