NO idea of time left ? (newly discoverd stage 4 cancer in Mother)

[52andblue]

I have just discoverd that my Mother has Cancer.
I have had a difficult relationship with her (a whole other thread tbh).

But she has 'a large mass' in her abdomen. 2 tumours (c 2.5 x 3cm each) in her right lung & partial collapse. Cancer in her pelvic bones (in 2 places) 'massive bilateral clots' & pleural effusion in both lungs. Plus heart failure.

'Feeling unwell' since last Aug. 'On waiting list' for tests. Since Xmas has lost 4st. CT chest abdo pelvis finally showed all above about 10 days ago after she was taken in after multiple collapses at home & breathing difficulties.

Sent home with Oramorph & a raised toilet seat.
She has stopped eating much. Is bringing up bile.

I'm 300 miles away & trying to sort out travel to see her 1 last time (I guess)

I'm sorry 💐

I actually think it's more difficult when your relationship hasn't always been the greatest.

it doesn't sound great, but I don't know what prognosis that would give.

how long will you be able to stay for?

Is there a hospice near your mum? You can self refer and their help is usually a blessing. It is shocking that she has been sent home in this way.

Mum is refusing a Hospice. Comms are difficult at best of times.
I can't stay long. I live 300m away & have 2 teenagers with Autism & their Father left so I have very little cover (he might cover for 48 hours).

I just have a horrible feeling that she has not got 'long' if she is not eating.

She's waited 9 months for a CT scan. 9 bloody months!

I have made sure GP contacted.
GP had not had any comms from Hosptial she'd been in for a week prior to discharge. So nothing had been 'set up'.
Now she has McMillan nurses coming in, & LA home help. As of today.
I'm going to travel down on Sun for 2 days (1st time I have childcare cover)

A big hand hold from Down Under, 52andblue

Can your trip to see her be timed so you cross paths with a McMillan nurse?

I know from other families who have dealt with cancer that the McMillan nurse has been vital to them feeling like they have some idea of what's going on.

My DF has just been diagnosed with 'advanced cancer spread to bones' and we are equally in the dark as to the prognosis at the moment.

I’m so sorry💐

Your mum sounds like she needs around the clock care? I hope she is able to get it. We were offered a nurse 24/7 when my father was sick (we declined -DM and I.
My father had an inoperable tumour, he wasn’t eating either and continued like that for two weeks, before having a syringe driver fitted, there’s no way he could have remained at home alone in that condition. I’d want to speak to the nurses to find out what will happen.

Hello. thank you for your messages.
Sadly Mother is being 'gate-keepered' by half brother & SIL (money related?)

I emailed 2 days ago to say I'd booked tickets to arrive Mon / Tues.
Reply: 'she now has Hosp on Tues'. I can't alter my times unfortunately.
I have called many times over last 2 days & phone is ringing out & answerphone gives 'full' message. I texted Brother (but only ever get reply from SIL who is awful). The reply I got was: 'getting lots of calls, getting all the help needed'.

(this is after I notified THEM in Feb that she was so ill. I live 350m away and am a disabled (now) single parent to 2 disabled kids so travelling is not easy for me)
I'd like to speak to a nurse yes but most importantly she is now getting help & realistically this is probably the only time I will be able to travel anyway.
It is the end chapter of a long dynamic of neglect & abuse but I want to see her one last time if I can.