Pancreatic cancer in df - what are signs end is near

[Lushmetender]

Df has pancreatic cancer which has spread. He doesn’t want chemo and mum died mid December.
He is still living at home on own and has been
Coming to our house a few days per week. He
Started getting investigated last March, has lost over 4 stone (he had weight to lose but says he’s not feeling like eating much). How do I know when things will be near the end? Spoke to him tonight and said he felt more lethargic than normal. His biggest issue seems
To be stomach cramps for which he is having morphine at night. Last biopsy the tumour wasn’t around any major vessels
Or blocking bile duct. Last ct scan showed significant changes in organ tumours and dr said it was aggressive. His diagnosis was 13 dec 2021 and now we’re in February nearly. It’s just all so uncertain as he is still undependent but he doesn’t want to see my kids after he starts getting really ill as he doesn’t want to scare them. And that is another question- should I tell my kids. They are 9, 11 and 13. They have experienced anxiety about death and anything happening to us.

Afternoon, OP. We're so sorry to hear about your DF, and also for the loss of your mum.

Just thought we'd bump this in case someone were around today who might be able to offer advice.

I think Cancer research UK had quite a good explanation of what to expect.

We just lost my sister on Thursday from bile duct/liver cancer and her signs I guess were just not being able to be awake and her urine turned dark red due to kidneys failing.

Hers was very quick though, we only found out she had terminal cancer on Tuesday and she went from up, about and talking to unconscious within 24 hours

I don't have experience of pancreatic cancer, but if it is the same as other cancers I would say once he starts getting confused. I doubt you have more than a couple of months TBH.

I think you should talk to the DC. There is a big difference between GPs dying and parents dying. I don't think you would be doing any favours by hiding it.

I'm sorry you are going through this OP

My DF already had advanced pancreatic cancer by the time he was diagnosed with it, so ours was quite a short time.

I would recommend speaking to MacMillan Cancer Support, we had a couple of nurses who looked after DF, he could be quite stubborn and they were fantastic with both him and us. They got his dark humour and made a very difficult time slightly more bearable.

They can give advice on how to tell your DC. I would recommend telling them, I think children are quite resilient when they know the facts.

My DG had cancer and was home cared at my parents until she died, everything was explained to me so it didn't seem like some scary secret which the adults had. It was sad but I would've hated not to see her while she was I'll.

One thing my dad wanted was homemade chicken and vegetable soup, he could manage it as no chewing and it was full of nutrients.

Thinking of you and your family at this time x

I recently called the Pancreatic Cancer UK support line with some questions I had - it is staffed by specialist nurses - and they were very helpful. The number is 0808 801 0707 and the website is also very helpful pancreaticcancer.org.uk. I also echo other posters in that I think it would be best to be honest with your children. Sorry you are facing this.

Hi OP, sorry that you are going through this with your Father.

Prognosis’s which are very specific are rarely useful as nobody really knows exactly how long someone has left.

The healthcare professionals such as district nurses and GP who are seeing your Dad regularly will be able to tell you more in terms of weeks/ days.

Not everyone is the same but signs that the end is approaching is somebody not eating or drinking, unable to look after their own care needs, mobility issues, spending more and more time in bed.

With regards to the children it’s important that you talk to them, you can find books on the internet which explain death in an age appropriate and gentle way. Although not telling them feels like you are protecting them they are going to notice that they aren’t seeing their Grandad, something has changed, something is wrong, and that can be more frightening than knowing the truth. It is sadly inevitable that they are going to be told one day that their Grandad has died and the sooner they can start making sense of it the better. They may want to be part of things and feel better for doing drawings for him or Any other things that would mean something to them.

I hope you all have all the support you need.

So sorry about this. What awful times you are goi g tbrough. Jaundice is a symptom at later stages. Ascites (fluid in the stomach area) i work with hepatobiliary and no two patients are the same.people can often be on their feet and independant right up to the end which will be a sudden dramatic change in a matter ofdays or it will be slow and gradual loss of appetite going off feet etc. Its hugely important to tell cbildren whats happening . I know many people who find death hard to deal with as adults as a result of sheltering during the early years. My family is incredibly upfront in dealing with it and children have never been sheltered from it. As a result we step up and bond together as a (admittedly large and irish) team in being with the dying and dealing with everything that comes with it and the children are always involved. I hope that you will be ok . Be kind to yourselves.