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Life-limiting illness

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Original poster

They've withdrawn food and fluids - how long?

35 replies

Firesidefox · 14/12/2021 22:28

MIL has throat and lung cancer. It came on very suddenly six weeks ago (or was discovered then). She had an op five days ago but didn't get back to normal after it and the docs say there's nothing more that can be done.

They called DH to her bedside today as she was 'unresponsive' and then said they would take out her feeding tubes. To hasten the inevitable death I suppose.

It's miserable for him and his dad.

Any idea how long this stage might last? Hospital won't put an estimate on it but we are all hoping it'll be quick as she's unconscious and there's no point stringing this awful stage out.

Thank you

OP posts:

BobbieT1999 · 14/12/2021 22:31

No longer than a couple of days I wouldn't think.
I'm so sorry, op

Blinkingbatshit · 14/12/2021 22:35

Oh I’m so very sorry💐. I’m also sorry to say it can take much longer than you expect, which is horrid to hear but I hope at least helps you prepare mentally if this is the case for you. My sil kept going for well over a week…mil not so long. I’m afraid there’s really no way of knowing💐

Cuntnugget · 14/12/2021 22:35

As Bobbie said above probably a couple of days at most. Hearing is the last one of the senses to go so keep talking to her if you can, I'm so sorry, my thoughts are with you and your family

thesockfromtheroof · 14/12/2021 22:35

I'm so sorry for you all

NeedsCharging · 14/12/2021 22:36

3 to 7 days.
My dad died of lung cancer January 2021 and he went nearly 12 days which according to the District nurses was unusual but he always was a stubborn bugger!

I am so sorry your family are going through this

ScrumptiousBears · 14/12/2021 22:36

My dad took 3 very long days. We sat next to him in shifts so he was never alone.

ineedacupoftea · 14/12/2021 22:37

My father had no food or fluids from a Thursday, and he died peacefully early the next Monday morning. So over 4 days.
We had glycerine swabs for his mouth and could ask the nurse in his home for morphine when he seemed to need it. It wasn’t easy but I am glad we got to sit with him over those last few days. We talked to him and played music, and sometimes just sat with our own thoughts.
I hope the next few days go peacefully for you all, do take time to rest yourselves.

WomblingKnobhead · 14/12/2021 22:37

"To hasten the inevitable death I suppose"

I was told its more about physical comfort. You can have feelings of nausea and pain if your bowel isn't functioning very well.

My mum and sister both lasted weeks after food and drink withdrawn. A very painful time for relatives. Sounds like MiL is quite unwell post op. If they expected it to be weeks they'd probably be talking about a transfer to the hospice. The fact they are not suggests days 💐

Scbchl · 14/12/2021 22:37

Im so sorry.

My great aunt took a week, its one of the most draining things Iv ever experienced in my life. My step-mum it was about four hours.

I hope she passes peacefully ❤

StarsOnAMat · 14/12/2021 22:38

My father in law had lung cancer last year. He was five days from his last fluid to passing away and spent it asleep. I’m very sorry

Original poster

Firesidefox · 14/12/2021 22:38

Thank you all. It's so awful. She's such a strong woman, I don't imagine she'll go quickly although that's what we all want.

Thank you

OP posts:

Phrenologistsfinger · 14/12/2021 22:40

I highly recommend this podcast by a palliative care specialist on the final days. Really worth listening podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/fortunately-with-fi-and-jane/id1220808096?i=1000542470744

Terminallysleepdeprived · 14/12/2021 22:43

It honestly depends on how frial they are both mentally and physically I think.

My paternal grandfather went within 48 hours. My maternal grandfather took 21 days. His body was finished but his brain just kept going...as above he was a stubborn old sod. He was always determined to go on his own terms.

Sending love and prayers for your family @Firesidefox

scarpa · 14/12/2021 22:46

Oh, I'm so sorry - that's awful. And this part is - in some way - especially awful, because you know you have the 'normal' grieving to do soon but in the meantime you're in a horrible limbo.

I think it can vary, although in the three instances of this I've been around, it was 2-3 days.

It depends on other things going on with the body as well - how advanced the illness is, how strong your body is before this point, how old you are, whether other medicines are withdrawn (i.e. things that might have been prolonging life). Although it's hard to judge very accurately, I've found the medical staff (/hospice nurses) are pretty good at recognising when it's very imminent - as in, within the next few hours rather than the next week or so. So hopefully DH, his dad and you can all manage to get some sleep at some point (even just in a visitor room) and the hospital can let you know when it's time. It's bloody exhausting and heartbreaking sitting around.

I hope for all your sakes it's sooner rather than later, and a peaceful exit for your MIL.

Hairyfriend · 14/12/2021 22:48

So sorry to hear this. My grandfather had a brain tumour and although couldn't eat, they put a sub cutaneous drip in (into the fat) to slowly provide fluids. He lived a week.

In hindsight, I might have suggested not to provide these fluids, as I don't know if this prolonged things, but at the time, it felt such a cruel thing to deny them.

iwantavuvezela · 14/12/2021 22:55

I’m so sorry to hear about your MIL and I truly understand how hard this stage is - I have been at the end of life stage twice, once with a dear friend and once with my husband.

My own experience was just to create a space and be with the person. I know how hard it is, but it will end, and probably within a couple of days. Once food and water stops it’s a matter of time - research has shown that feeding tubes make no real difference so better to remove them.

Try and work through this pain you are feeling , your MIL is unconscious and moving between worlds. Let her take the time she needs. Think of it as her last hours in this world with you.
I am sending you my love during this time.

Original poster

Firesidefox · 15/12/2021 07:36

Thank you all so much. I actually listen to Fortunately but didn't listen to that episode as it came out when all this was just starting and it felt too raw. I have a dreadful morning of work but will listen to it after that, thank you.

And thanks all for your replies. I've been so touched by everyone's kindness.

OP posts:

Zhx3 · 15/12/2021 07:39

I'm so sorry. It was 2 days with my grandma. She had been in hospital for several months and we were not with her when she died. It's one of my biggest regrets.

Crazycat53 · 15/12/2021 07:44

I'm so sorry to hear this. With my mil it was 2 days.

ivykaty44 · 15/12/2021 07:59

Sorry op this is happening, it’s so varied in the answers on this thread, so it’s difficult for the medics to predict.

The podcast is interesting in many ways, thanks for linking

caringcarer · 15/12/2021 08:08

My Auntie, was put on the Liverpool exit plan about 8 years ago as her organs were failing, but it took 8 or 9 days before she died. She wanted just a sip of water and they would not let her have any. It was truly awful. I hope with your mil unconscious death will come quickly for her.

dhdislsndh · 15/12/2021 08:13

I'v been in this situation. I was expecting it to be a couple of days at most, it took just over 2 weeks. It was absolutely awful I'm so sorry to say. They pop a small piece of wet sponge in the mouth every now and again but completely removed all food and drink/drips. I honestly never knew someone could survive so long and literally saw them waste away in front of me. I'm thinking of you and your family.

ApolloandDaphne · 15/12/2021 09:30

There is no standard time as you may have guessed from the responses here. My own experiences says anything from a few days to a few weeks.

Phrenologistsfinger · 15/12/2021 10:30

@Firesidefox I understand. I think (hope) you may find it rather comforting when you are able to listen, the speaker (dr) is a credit to her profession. Best wishes

UnsuitableHat · 15/12/2021 10:33

Don’t know the answer to how long, but am very sorry to hear this. Hope the end is peaceful.

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