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Life-limiting illness

Is doctor prepping us ?

11 replies

Lushmetender · 09/12/2021 17:49

Mum in hospital with heart valve problems and been there for nearly 3 weeks. Had v high dose antibiotics but kidney function declined to about a 3rd of what it should be. Will be moving her to specialist hospital for tests to see if they can operate but She’s not eating and was not in best of health before. Dr said he was worried and it may be team can’t operate at all. Do you think they’re prepping us for her passing away? I asked what if decided they couldn’t op what then and she said hard to say but started to say days not hours… but was vague? Can she come back from this? Any positive stories?

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Marlouse · 09/12/2021 17:55

I’m so very sorry, but our experience is that this is how they prepare you for the worst news. You have my sympathy, it must be a very difficult time.

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Roundeartheratchriatmas · 09/12/2021 17:56

I think if you want to know outright you’ll need to ask. They’re trying to be ..gentle I suppose ?

I imagine it’s hard as different people deal with things differently. I am one that would probably want to know exactly what to expect to prepare myself but I know some wouldn’t.

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Olliesocks · 09/12/2021 17:56

I’m sorry OP, but I think they’re gently preparing you.

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Whenigrowupiwanttobea · 09/12/2021 17:57

From what you have said they are indeed preparing you for worst case scenario that she is too weak to withstand cardiac surgery. But they have also said that she will need further tests which may well confirm their diagnosis and prognosis and then they would probably be in a better position to explain it more fully. The "days not hours' bit also sounds like they are preparing to put her on an end of life pathway so that she is kept comfortable. I am so sorry this is probably not what you want to hear but please don't be afraid to ask the doctors to be explicitly clear when they are talking to you and don't be afraid to ask questions. My thoughts are with you during this particularly difficult time x

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Lushmetender · 16/12/2021 22:37

All happened quick she died on 13th. Been a bit upset but not hit me yet. In denial I think. Anyone had this and going about daily business.

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ftw163532 · 16/12/2021 22:41

I'm sorry about your mum. Shock/denial isn't unusual. I remember things feeling unreal when my mum died.

Have you got much support around you? Flowers

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HelloCovid · 16/12/2021 22:45

So sorry OP. Flowers

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ginnig · 16/12/2021 22:46

I'm so sorry

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LuluBlakey1 · 16/12/2021 22:56

@Lushmetender

Mum in hospital with heart valve problems and been there for nearly 3 weeks. Had v high dose antibiotics but kidney function declined to about a 3rd of what it should be. Will be moving her to specialist hospital for tests to see if they can operate but She’s not eating and was not in best of health before. Dr said he was worried and it may be team can’t operate at all. Do you think they’re prepping us for her passing away? I asked what if decided they couldn’t op what then and she said hard to say but started to say days not hours… but was vague? Can she come back from this? Any positive stories?

This is exactly what happened to my mum. She was elderly, had heart valve problems - one of the main valves kept sticking and she would pass out, stop breathing and then it would unstick and she'd come round. She also had kidney function problems and COPD. In and out of hospital if she got infections or her fluid balance got out of kilter which put pressure on her breathing, and sorting it out affected her kidney function further.
The Consultant said he would ask a specialist surgeon to look at her but the outcome was her kidney function meant she could not have the dyes needed to do the op through a vein rather than as g/a surgery - which she also could not have because of her kidney function.

At first the consultant told me up to a year. She was back in hospital after a year with the same issues and they began to talk about stopping 'aggressive' treatment and 'focussing on quality of care'. I was so upset that night but they said we were talking weeks and there was no urgency. However, my mum died in her sleep that night in hospital. The consultant said her heart valve had stuck and not unstuck and her heart had just stopped. TBH I was relieved it happened like that- she was herself, up and about in the hospital and cheerful and did not have to go through the discussions, although I do think she knew because of our conversations that last night.

I do think they try to prepare you and it is an awful time. I am so sorry you are possibly facing losing your mum. Hopefully, the specialist might be prepared to operate using a catheter through a vein. It is very successful if they can do it. Fingers crossed.
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MrsSantaClausitback · 16/12/2021 22:57

So sorry Flowers

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LuluBlakey1 · 16/12/2021 22:57

So sorry, just read your update. So so sorry. It must feel very strange at the minute.

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