How to cope with caring?

[buckeejit]

My dm is dying of brain cancer.

She has been bedbound for nearly 3 months & we have very little in the way of a care package, just one afternoon call for 15 mins so family doing mostly everything. She is thankfully still at home but completely dependent, although she sleeps for about 23 hours a day.

How do normal people cope with the extra demands of caring, both physically & emotionally? I've hit a bit of a wall the last few days & don't feel like I'm doing an adequate job as a daughter or a mother & can't seem to pull myself out of this slump

Sorry to hear this. Could you maybe have a period of respite for your mother?

So sorry you to hear this. Have been in your shoes. It’s exhausting and you are so tied up in doing that it’s hard to find time for being, for grieving.
To be honest we started with the gp - or rather I just burst into tears when he called in to see my mum. But if there’s a specialist nurse, or Macmillan, perhaps they can help get help.
In our case they upped the palliative care visits from district nurses - they took over personal care for her and drug admin.Meant we could have some quiet time and time to just sit. My siblings did share the load and that helped.
Try not to beat yourself up. You are undoubtedly doing more than you realise. 💐 for you

Thank you both for replying.

I'm feeling slightly less crazed with it all today but it's definitely a roller coaster. There isn't any extra help available here atm as everything is so stretched & the nurse suggested respite in a care home for a week but I don't think that would make any of us feel any better as we'd hate to think of her looking for us when she does waken & it would be pretty traumatic to move her.

This too shall pass & all that. I will leave it a few more days to decide if we need to cancel Christmas plans to go to in laws & go home for a G&T

Can you get any support from the local hospice and/or Macmillan? We had my Dad at home for his final 3 weeks (also brain cancer) and it was such hard work even with carers coming in.

We had to make it very clear we needed support as otherwise it would have been left much more up to us but my Mum wasn't physically fit enough and I was juggling work so they had to provide it. Social services arranged an assortment of carers and overnight support from a mixture of social services carers, Macmillan and hospice at home.

for you, it's such a hard situation to be in.

Thanks @RidingMyBike I feel like although it's a struggle, we can manage amongst ourselves so I feel bad asking for more as there's so many others who maybe need it more. Tbh it would only really be a big help if we had morning & evening carers. They've basically said they're waiting for one of the current patients to die & then we'll get their slots. It's harder because it takes 2 of us to work with mum. Not knowing how much longer it will last is difficult. They said she'd have 3 months left max & we're heading for 6 months now but she has absolutely no quality of life & it all seems like such a waste.

I hope you get the support soon then - it also took the pressure off us so we could concentrate on spending time with Dad rather than care needs? He came home with a week left to live and ended up lasting three weeks so it is all very uncertain.