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Life-limiting illness

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Original poster

The c word

7 replies

luannlele · 04/09/2021 17:40

So just found out my mum has cancer, she seems ok but I want to help. Any ideas what I could do for support other than be a listener to her worries etc

OP posts:
buckeejit · 09/09/2021 22:41

Sorry to hear this. What type of cancer & has she had a prognosis yet?

My dm has a brain tumour & on palliative care. I wish I'd known what to learn a few months ago when I was looking for helpful stuff to do. We've not been able to secure any carers & dm has had a rapid decline so a steep learning curve & mainly google teaching us practical patient & personal care. It's really rage inducing at times.

Borntobeamum · 10/09/2021 09:14

From another perspective (I am mum, diagnosed with cancer In 2019)
My 3 children took it very differently. DD1 collapsed at work on hearing the news. She was sent home but to be fair, she was no use at work. (My appointment with the consultant to receive the diagnosis was a Monday morning and all 3 wanted to be told ASAP)
DD2 managed to sit in a store cupboard with a trusted colleague who supported her and arranged for her to leave work.
DS was calm and very matter of fact.

Things I will say are -

  1. Carry on being you. Don’t expect your mum to change and you shouldn’t either.
  2. Expect tears. Lots of them.
  3. Plan. This is very important whether it’s something later that day, a week away or more long term.
  4. Don’t be offended if mum doesn’t want to discuss the future.
  5. Phone or pop in and be prepared for either a high or low. (Your feelings fluctuate on a minute by minute basis)
  6. Ask her what she’d like to do. Does she want a walk? Go get cake? A ladies shopping trip?
  7. If in doubt, hold her hand and let her go with the flow.

Much love x x

buckeejit · 12/09/2021 15:16

@Borntobeamum Thanks sorry to hear this & hope you're doing ok. A great advice list

Borntobeamum · 12/09/2021 16:32

Thank you buckeejit
I’m doing great. I’m in Remission after surgery and doing well x x

buckeejit · 12/09/2021 18:56

That's wonderful news Smile

Joystir59 · 12/09/2021 19:01

Help support her and her household with practical stuff- taking her to hospital appts, collecting shopping, meds, make sure to ask her what she wants from you.

teeshirt · 12/09/2021 19:11

How old are you? What are your circumstances? I’m a mum with cancer, but my children are teens/early 20s. They can’t get involved with taking me to appointments etc. If you want to help, though, ask what you can do. The main things that worry me are: keeping my job, caring for my seriously ill DH.

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