My dad has terminal stomach cancer

[Misspollyhadadolly92]

Sadly due to a 6 month delay due to covid in a colonoscopy the cancer is T4. I watched my mum die the most degrading death with breast cancer and now my dad will experience the same. Its like being stabbed in the stomach. I'm older and wiser but I know the grief is big and I'm worried how I will cope. They have given him 18 months,but he has lost a significant amount of weight and barely eating so I'm sure it will be sooner. I live 300miles from him and it's just breaking my heart.
I just needed to write it down. I'm 40 and none of my friends have lost a parent and I will have lost both. I can feel myself avoiding people as I have no tolerance and their words of 'wisdom' are best ignored.

Thank you for your replies, it really does mean so much.
We haven't discussed actual end of life, its the elephant in the room. Dad just keeps saying he's ok. He still wants to protect us. He really is my inspiration. I guess as the cancer starts to spread we will have discussions,I really don't feel comfortable bringing it up. He absolutely knows I love him,that he is loved. He's not an emotional man so it's difficult to have those conversations. When I put him to bet the other day I tucked him in and told him I loved him, he looked so shocked!

I am sorry to hear about peritoneal cancer, i never knew that was a cancer.its just brutal isn't it ;(
I'm taking lots of pictures and video's when I'm with him, but all I see is the cancer.he is so frail,not my big cuddly dad.
I will be going off sick soon,I can feel I am starting to loose it a bit, and I think the relaxing in covid restrictions has contributed to that.
Thank you for all your replies, it makes sense lovely place that little bit less lonely xxx

@Misspollyhadadolly92 your descriptions made me bawl my eyes out, it’s so so similar to my exact feelings in the weeks/days before my dads death. The gratefulness of having him, but the sadness of seeing him so ill, so different. Tell him you love him every day. Be strong but allow yourself to cry with him or with others. It will help you.

Don’t push the “death-conversation “. Death will happen, sadly, and you cannot prepare for it too much, because it will not be how you picture it. He would have told you, if he had any major wishes re care or death or beyond. If he doesn’t bring it up, I wouldn’t either. Focus on the small, positive and happy moments.

Stay strong 💜

@minniemouseshouses thanks for your reply. Sorry I made you cry, I understand why though. I am grateful for the time we have, I wish I could enjoy it more but I just think about the bloody cancer a lot of the time. Its because he is literally less than half the man he was. I am very lucky to have time with him, I am finding it hard. He never complains just takes everything in his stride, I hope I will be more like that. Just wrapped up in the resentment, guilt and anger of cancer. It doesn't matter how old you are there is always something about still being a child around your parent.
💔

I am so sorry that you have to endure this again with your Dad. It’s unbelievably painful and exhausting so take rest and help wherever you can.

I was thinking that if words are so hard to get out face to face that maybe you could leave him a note to ask if he has any thoughts or wishes that he wants to express and if he wants to scribble a note back to you instead of talking?

This is the first time I’ve messaged in nearly a year. @Misspollyhadadolly92 I hope you are ok? Sending you thoughts and prayers for your family x

Thanks for your message.
Sadly my dad died in January, he had a stroke and his body couldn't fight it.
I'm absolutely heartbroken as we thought we had more time. I just don't know how to get through this

Hope everyone is ok xx

I'm so sorry.

I am so sorry.

Life is so unfair sometimes.

I’m so very sorry. Sending love and thoughts. Xx

I’m so sorry to hear this. Cancer is such an awful disease. I wishing you strength and comfort during this difficult time.

Thanks for your replies. It's really hard isn't it, on the grief rollercoaster :(

Xxx