Sister diagnosed with breast cancer

[Ilovecrumpets]

I don’t know why I’m writing this really. I think I’m in shock. My sister has just been diagnosed with breast cancer at 40. They think it has spread to lymph nodes.

She is a single parent with young DC. Lots of cancer in the family so think possibly genetic. Our parent died of cancer 2 years ago, very suddenly.

I just feel so broken by this. And so scared. And then selfishly scared for myself ( also a single parent) as am currently undergoing various tests. And just so very sad for my sister. I don’t know why but I’m finding it much harder than with my parent.

As she has to have further tests there is not a plan or clear prognosis at the moment which I think makes things worse. I feel so selfish even thinking about how I feel.

I'm so sorry to hear this and please don't feel bad about how your feeling.
Your feelings just come, you don't control them.
Of course your going to be a bit scared about the implications for you in this, especially as you are also a single parent.
I'm in Ireland so it won't be exactly the same but I'm sure you have similar. There are cancer support centres in most areas here and they are not just for the patient. Families are also encouraged to use them.
I would highly recommend finding one near you, the ones here have been doing Zoom counselling, yoga, information events etc all along.
If you don't want to offload your worries on your sister it could be very helpful to talk to people who are outside of it all but have experience and information about it for you.
I was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2018 they didn't think it had spread to the lymph nodes initially but it had, my treatment plan changed every time I turned up at the hospital for 18 months!
I'm now stage 4 managed by a chemo tablet and hormone blockers, back working from home and if it wasn't for Covid I'd be living the same life I had before diagnosis.
So just because it's in the lymph system doesn't mean it's going to go the same way as your parent.
Try to just breathe

Thank you so much for replying - I really appreciate it and am so sorry to hear you have also gone through this.

And thank you for the suggestion too - it’s a good idea to look up some support. I live quite far away which makes it a bit more difficult but you are right we will get through this. I think the worst bit is the wait to see if it has spread further.

It's tough OP, it is even tougher in these Covid times and there is no right, or wrong, reaction. My DP was diagnosed with Grade 4 bile duct cancer which has spread to his liver and believe you me, you go through every emotion and back again. I am doing telephone counselling to help me, I thought I would hate it but I have actually found it very useful. I feel I can say whatever I truly feel as I would not know the counsellor if we met in the street and it has given me an honesty I might otherwise not have found. I second the advice to contact some of the charities that support cancer diagnosis, I have found Macmillan useless but have heard good things about them from others. Allow yourself to feel what you feel without guilting yourself over it. I hope for positive news both for your sister and for your own tests

I know, the waiting is the worst bit.
Chemo, surgeries etc at least something is happening but having scans and waiting for the results is like torture.
Try your best to take it one step at a time.
I spent a few months in the middle of treatment having various tests/scans while they tried to decide what to do. I was very anxious and barely participating in life because I couldn't turn it off.
It didn't change anything and now I'm stuck at home I really regret not making the most of that time.
Maybe you could do some batch cooking or something? Any useful distracting activity could help.

Ahh @bloodywhitecat I’m so sorry. My dad had pancreatic cancer, not diagnosed for a long time. We also didn’t find MacMillan helpful.

@M0rT thank you again. Unfortunately I’m too far away to batch cook, being far away makes things harder of course. She does live near my other parents though. I am also undergoing some tests for possible cancer ( although hopefully not). It’s actually really put the whole last year - I have health anxiety and I’ve realised I cannot let me stop living.

Thank you both again for taking the time to reply. It’s the first major thing I’ve gone through since my ex left and I think that also makes things a bit more difficult