How to speak to my dc

[Susiepants]

I never thought I would be writing this. We have received news that my dad has weeks to live after his cancer has spread. This has happened very quickly.

I have a ds9 who adores his grandad. They have always done lots of things together. Despite issues with his dad (my ex) I always felt secure in the knowledge that my ds would have the positive role model of his grandad in his life. I'm heartbroken that he won't be around to watch him grow up. I'm incredibly worried about how ds will take the news. It's happened so quickly that he doesn't even really understand his grandad is ill. How do I just spring it on him that he won't be around anymore? I can't believe it myself so how is a child meant to comprehend this?

Firstly, I am so sorry to hear about this. How much does he know already? Does he know he's actually ill at all?

There are many resources online that will help you word it best for your DS. Honesty is the absolute best thing, don't hide it from him. Good luck

He knows his grandad has been in hospital but not that it's anything severe. None of us expected this so I hadn't even thought about preparing him, I just didn't want to worry him.

I'm really sorry this is happening to your family.

Be honest with him and be clear in your language. I know the temptation to lie or be euphemistic to "protect" him is probably strong, but the sad truth is that he can't be protected from this and keeping him in the dark or confusing him will only add to his distress.

Remember that you are not causing his distress by delivering the news. It is the situation's fault - and I am sure he would rather hear it from you and have you there to comfort him.

There are a few organisations that support bereaved children :

www.nhs.uk/conditions/stress-anxiety-depression/children-and-bereavement/

From memory, I think Cruse have a really good section on their website explaining how children are affected by grief (as it's different to adults) and how you can talk about it and support them.

But don't forget about support for yourself.

I'm so sorry. Be honest and tell him, and keep talking to him. he will be devastated but nothing you can say will change that. I'd also keep talking to him about things as they develop no matter how sad it is. Don't worry if he sees you upset, he will then realise it is ok to be upset. You don't have to jolly up when he is around. He will work through his sadness. I'm so sorry for you all, it's rubbish xxx

This is the section of the website I had in mind:

www.cruse.org.uk/get-help/for-parents

This part might be helpful to you:

www.cruse.org.uk/get-help/about-grief/coping-death-parent

Again, I'm so sorry.

Thank you for the links. I am having a read but nothing is going in. My ds is at his dads at the moment so I have a bit of time to get it together.

I'm sorry to hear this. It's hard, I've been in this position.
Just be honest, as honest as possible. All children need the truth in age appropriate language, however old they are.
Let him see that you're upset of course so he will see that sadness is ok and won't break him.
If your emotions feel out of control that might be scary for him so try to keep the rage or sobbing for another adult to hold for you.
It's hard to confront a child's grief because there is nothing we can 'do' about it. But you can give him the gift of 'being' instead, being there for him.
All the best, lots of love to you all.

I was in a similar position a yearr ago.

3 weeks from diagnosis to passing.

I was very honest, basicakky said she was very poorly and was nit going to get better. There was a lot if denial from his side i balanced his need to deny but giving him hinest updates. She was moved to a hospice etc.

Gave him time to ask questions. My ds was in school so updated his teacher so she knew where he was at.

Lean on other people too. You need it