My Sister is in the last stages

[Nobdienowhere]

I've been reading threads here. I'd like to thank every single brave person for giving me the will to carry on.
I didn't want to post my own, but here we are.

We started with stage 2 breast cancer. It's genetic. She's young, and had lumps and lymph nodes removed. A good blast of radiotherapy. She flipped the finger at cancer, and continued travelling the world. Being fabulous. The usual.

Somehow they forget to schedule the blood tests. Fast forward to December 2019, and she was very ill.
Scan revealed stage 4. Significant metastasis.

First expectation was a few months.
If I told you her victories through Covid life, you'd be astonished. It belongs in a movie.
Imagine worst case scenario. I don't want to out myself, or her - and it would.
But now, we are down to the wire. She is a fighter, but once intubation is necessary, there really isn't a way to fight.

I feel guilty for grieving before she is even gone, but how do you not? Someone on the radio today said that grief is just love, in a different shape. It's true.
I don't know what I'm asking or why I am posting. This feels like the most selfish post, and it's incoherent. It's just enormous. She is so young, and I don't know how to do this.

How do I lose her?
Does anyone?

I'm so sorry. I lost my mother to breast cancer, but at least she got to a grandmother first.

Many years ago I met a time scientist on a train and he was so interesting. He said that time is totally different for creatures with shorter lifespans. It sounds like your sister has managed to fit a lot into a short life and live it the fullest.

As for grief, in my case, when my mother died I had done most of my grieving.

I am so sorry for what you are going through. When my mother was dying, I could only describe it as that I just didn't know where to "put" myself, or what to do next, which is illogical, as if finding the right thing to "do" or the right "place to be" would make a difference.
Its different for everyone and this sounds like pure agony for you, all I can offer is what my aunt said to me which I found a little bit comforting at the time, that one moves through it day by day

Absolutely heartbreaking and utterly shit and unfair for you all. I am so sorry. Your sister sounds incredible, and your love for her is tangible. I am sending you so much love and strength.

Find that field and have that scream

& then paint your smile back on for your sister, knowing the power of mumsnet is behind you every step of the way, walking you through these dark days.

Life is extremely unfair and the pain you are going through is not what I’d wish to my worst enemy. I am so sorry OP x

So very very sorry.
If she is still with you. Just be with her as much as you can bear.
As pp have mentioned - the car is great place to scream and cry.
I am so sorry for you all.
Wishing you strength

You sound an amazing support. Am sure she takes great comfort in having such a fantastic sister.

@Nobdienowhere

I want to stand in the middle of a field and scream. Do you think I could justify doing it? Seriously. I need to scream until I am sick. Scream for the children she should have had. The life she deserved. Just fucking scream.

What a terrible situation for you all. I would think screaming in a field is a totally reasonable reaction and thing to do. Being angry is a very valid feeling. 💐💐💐

I think a walk along a remote beach in the rain is called for, there you can rage against the unfairness of it all.

Sending love and hugs to get you through this terrible time.

Thank you.
Last night was strange.
I had to go out on an errand, and really didn't feel like it.
There was a young woman, about my Sister's age. She was running with shopping bags, freezing in the rain.
I opened my car door, passed her a mask, and offered to drive her home.

Seemed like a mad idea, but also the right thing to do.
I know that my Sister would have done it.
She was very choked up and told me how she came to be in that situation.
We exchanged numbers and are going to share a bottle of wine when it is allowed.

These things are very rare in the current situation, and it made me smile instead of scream.

Please don't lecture me about Covid. I know.

There are worse things than Covid OP, as you well know. It was a very thoughtful thing to do.

I'm so sorry OP, nobody should have to go through this

OP you are fabulous. You are kind and somehow manage to find little positives in this utter shit show. This will get you through. Sounds like that woman needed kindness in that moment and you gave it regardless of your own grief. You are an utterly beautiful person. No wonder your little sister turned out the same.

I'll never forget the phone call from my nephew to tell my my sister had terminal cancer. This was four years ago and she had been having tests for something minor. It felt like a punch in the stomach and yes I grieved before she had gone. She was told she had 6-9 months left and she got one month. Seeing her in the hospice reduced to skin and bone and out of it was horrendous. It all happened over Christmas too so Christmas Day when she would have spent it with us was spent in the hospice truly awful. You never get over it but you learn to live with it. She was my beloved big sister. Lots of love to you.

I’m so sorry for what I’ve just read. Be there for her. I lost a friend through something similar 10 years ago now and even now I scream at the world or cry for the life and family my friend should have had. One thing I’ll say is if your sister can’t do something promise you will do it for her and do it.

Well your sister sounds absolutely incredible but equally so do you ❤ stay strong and enjoy the time you have left with her

I can so relate to all your feelings. My sister died at the end of October just six weeks after her initial cancer diagnosis and five weeks after being told that it was terminal.

It is so bloody unfair and I am still so angry. I am glad your sister has time to do some of the things she wants. My sister managed none of her goals.

Just wanted to send you some love xxx

OP please come back, if you feel you can. You write so eloquently. Thinking of you.

Hope you are ok OP.

I lost my sister in a car accident and amongst the devastation was sad because I never got to say goodbye.
But how do you say goodbye to someone you never want to leave...