How can I support my friend through cancer diagnosis

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Hi all. After some advice about my friend. Her Dh has been diagnosed with cancer. I saw her briefly and told her that I was thinking of them all and that I will help in any way I can. She thanked me but I’m pretty sure I actually just ruined how composed she was and I feel terrible as she left crying. So I’m just wondering if anyone has been in a similar position. How did you want your friends to go about it? Should I just not say anything unless she does? Also were there any gestures you really appreciated. E.g a cooked dinner or something?

You sound like a very caring friend. I was diagnosed in 2018 and the first few weeks are a whirlwind trying to get a treatment plan in place.
I'd probably stay in touch by text, she can read it and reply when she has chance. Food would be good, maybe something that can be frozen and reheated. Are they ok with transport? There will be loads of appointments.

You do sound like a caring friend.
Everyone is different but I'd keep in touch with her and offer practical help that you can actually do, whether it's a lift or a meal.

I wouldn't worry about having ruined her composure, there are a lot of emotions and if she feels she can express them with you that's not a bad thing.
I'd text her and say you're there for her and it's bloody awful that her DH has cancer and you will be led by her as to whether she wants to talk about it or not.

I was very hurt when a close friend basically started ignoring me when DH had cancer, I think she was uncomfortable with it.
Some people though were unexpectedly very kind.
Some people asked really nosy intrusive questions about treatment options and side effects, or asked if he smoked or drank a lot, or if he was overweight, or much older than me, but I think that was people clumsily expressing their own fears and thinking if they didn't do any of those things maybe they'd be okay. Still pissed me off though!

just keep in touch and let her know if there is anything practical you can do. Ring her from time to time to ask how she is. Let her take the lead and not push, just be available. Little notes/post cards show you care

thanks for replying everyone. @ranoutofquinoaandprosecco transport wise they should be fine, but they have young dcs so I imagine she’ll need help looking after them too which I’m happy to do. So sad and angry that people have to go through this. Xx

Going through a similar process with a friend of mine. We have set up a What'sApp group to share information, stay up to date, organise rota to make sure she has a homemade meal in the fridge to get home to (which she can just sling in the microwave etc). Oh, and making sure she has clean clothes. Taking turns to sit with her hubby so she can have a break. Feel so tiny in comparison to what they are going through but we know they both appreciate it.

Rather than saying 'let me know if I can do anything', which then puts her in the position of asking for help, say what you will/can do specifically. For example, ask her when they next need to go to hospital and say that you are happy to have the kids that day. Or go ahead and prepare a few meals she can keep in the freezer for when needed (donit ask if she wants them just do it).
When my husband died suddenly alot of people said 'let me know...'. It wasn't helpful. What would have been is : 'I'm doing my weekly shop let me do yours just send me a list'. You get the idea - something definite and concrete.

I agree with everything hitthefloor said.

I’d offer child care and to feed the kids too. Appointments might only be for an hour or so but leave you feeling drained for hours after so taking them off her hands for a while may be appreciated.

I’d take her lead when she wants to talk talk when she doesn’t, talk about other stuff.

Also don’t know if you talk to her dh but offer him chance to talk too.

Every time somebody was kind to me I ended up in tears because I was touched. Some people treat you like you’ve got the pleague..

I'd agree with pip be definite about what you are offering, I've been the patient and I would never have actually asked anyone as I'd feel cheeky. Loads of people said " let me know what I can do" no one actually did anything!!!