Friends husband has secondary tumour one the brain, I don't know how best to support her.

[peoplepleaser1]

As per my title my friend's husband has developed a malignant brain tumour. He had a secondary cancer removed from his lung in December, and last week she noticed weakness on his face and some memory problems.

He's had an MRI and is being admitted on Sunday for an operation on his brain, I don't know any more details.

I want to help. I've done the usual thing of offering tea, hugs, chats and wine- but if all seems so insufficient.

I feel helpless and useless and wish I could help in someway. Am I missing something that I can do?

She's quite a private, independent, strong person and we are good friends but not incredibly close. She has family but I'm not sure how many very close friends she has locally.

I'm sorry- reading back this post sounds all about me, that's not my intention I just feel so helpless and she must feel a million times worse.

One of the hardest lessons my life has taught me is that sometimes, I can do nothing. I just have to "sit it out".

Something very similar happened to a dear friends husband last year. If I could have done something I would have done. There was nothing anyone could do.

All I could offer was my unconditional support and love. So we met for lunch most months and we emailed every couple of days.

I tried, in my fashion, to let her know that she could say anything to me (anger at the situation, sadness, impatience, whatever.)

Her husband has since died, and I feel our friendship has deepened.

Just hang on there opening poster. I found the experience sad and, at times, stressful. But I'm quite sure these feelings were tiny, compared to what my friend was going through.

Thank you @user1471453601, you're right all I can do is hang in there for my friend and try to accept that sometimes there's not much one can do. Steep learning curve but nothing compared to my friend and her family.

My husband has recently been diagnosed with a similar condition - what has really helped me is friends who come around and either stay to keep my husband company or spring him out the house - that has given me some time to do things, and once I jus sat on the sofa in my house having an hour to myself.

I love messages of support and love but find it hard to answer frequent questions or texts asking me what is happening. Many people have even kindly in texts said, no need to respond.

So anything that gives your friend “time” , or doing something that saves her time in my opinion is helpful. I am running around at the moment juggling like mad, so any little thing that is done for me I a, very appreciative of,

But, I am sure knowing that you are out there, thinking and caring will already mean something to her.