Dad just started chemo, finding it so hard

[Thisisverytricky]

My dad who I am very close to has just started chemotherapy for a non curable, but hopefully treatable cancer. Outwardly I hear myself being all positive but inside I'm crumbling. I never expected it to be so hard. He's not good at remembering meds so I have set alarms on his phone for when he has to take them all. I can't stop googling, and thinking about how long he has left and what the side effects of the drugs are. How do I calm down?

Thank you so much, I do feel better for phoning the nurse. I just generally feel so unlike myself which must be the stress. I'm not a dithery person at all but I can't make a decision to save my life at the moment! I'm also finding planning for the future so hard because I keep thinking, "what if I'm on holiday and he's in hospital?" He's had 2 emergency admissions after radiotherapy and we're terrified of that happening again. It's lovely to have support and feel I can talk things through on here. Thank you

I hope you slept okay last night and that your Dad had some rest too, he is probably on steroids so it's never going to be easy overnight.

In terms of attendance allowance, there is a slightly simpler process if the recipient has a life limiting condition. The fast track process is when a doctor is able to state that they would not be surprised if the recipient were to die in the next six months, that is not the same as saying they expect it, just that they would not be surprised - a subtle but important difference. I don't know if that applies to your dad or not, if you think it might do then Macmillan may well be helpful in guiding you through it.

I hope the telephone consultation goes well today.

Thank you StormGerda. I realised that I needed a good nights sleep, so I took some phenergan last night which always knocks me out!! Yes, you’re right dad is on steroids and even on the, “off” days he still doesn’t seem to be getting much sleep. After my phone call last night his specialist nurse phoned him this morning and asked him to go in. She can’t see any signs of infection after checking his chest and so feels that the temperature might be chemo related. He is to just keep monitoring it, and ring again if it gets above a certain level. All of this is very reassuring
My dad hasn’t asked about life expectancy, but when the nurse was talking about if the initial chemo doesn’t work she said there are other lines of treatment so I’m not sure if he would be eligible for the fast track for attendance allowance. Obviously that’s a good thing! However thank you for letting me know, and I will ask Macmillan about it when I see them on Thursday. He has a blood cancer which cannot be cured but hopefully can be controlled. It will be another six weeks or so before we see what effect this chemo is having. Things seem better tonight though and I’m looking forward to the McMillan appointment

I am glad the nurse has been able to check your dad over and that all seems as well as can be hoped.

Good news that he may not be at the stage of needing fast track, Macmillan will be able to talk you through the regular route too.

Thinking of you, I hope things are going smoothly and that you are getting enough rest.

Thank you StormGerda. Alll seems well just now, his temperature is down and he feels ok. McMillan were so helpful about the attendance allowance and gave me loads of hints so I'm filling that in today for him. McMillan are in my village once a month so seeing them again just to talk though how things are going but I have a contact to ring at any time. Feeling calmer in myself too Lovely support on here , thanks

Attendance allowance form all filled in and printed off ready to send tomorrow, it took a while! I felt like I kept repeating myself but McMillan said to write everything in each section so we'll wait to see if I've been successful for him.