Nobody is asking about prognosis for FIL's stage 4 glioblastoma

[PrincessBuggerPants]

What it says on the tin basically.

My FIL was diagnosed with stage 4 glioblastoma in November last year following six months of symptoms. He has had surgery and radiotherapy, and been told his tumour biomarkers show he won't respond to chemo, but not once has he discussed prognosis with his consultant. Apparently.

Obviously everybody else in the family has Dr Google'd it and seen prognosis is terrible (this form of cancer is known as the 'widow maker') and MIL and DH have discussed this between themselves. However, FIL has apparently shown no curiosity whatsoever about the prognosis and nobody will discuss it with him.

Each appointment happens and MIL states to DH they will be able to discuss prognosis at the next appointment, after the next round of tests or the next round of treatment. And it never happens.

I don't have a close relationship with ILs for various reasons and I'm hearing all this through DH. DH is well aware his father may not have long left, but doesn't want to base his understanding of this on Dr Google but is left with little choice and I don't know how to support him. DH isn't really talking about it much and hasn't filled me in on updates and is irritated I am asking questions/won't go along with waiting/ignoring.

Does anybody have any experience of this?

I don't have any experience of that type of cancer but my lovely MIL has terminal lung cancer and has very limited time now. The consultant has asked her if she had any questions or wanted to know any more at various appointments and she has said no. She has a palliative care team who are involved and I asked the main nurse directly and they have told my husband and I a rough timescale/prognosis but MIL doesn't want to know.
Your FIL probably has a palliative care team who are involved and they will be able to provide the family with information even if he doesn't want to know.

My DF hasn't asked about his prognosis as he says 'I'm not going to sit around waiting to die'. I think the idea of a ticking clock (which won't necessarily even be accurate) feels worse for him than just living his life and making the most of every day he has left.

My. DM always needs to know everything about my DF's illnesses and has read all the studies, etc. But even she hasn't asked the doctors as she recognises that it's my DF's choice if he'd rather not know.

You say you don’t have a close relationship with your ILs but are badgering to know all the ins and outs of your FIL’s illness. Why? What difference will it make to you to know his prognosis? He has a GBM which is an extremely aggressive tumour for which there is no cure and very little treatment. For goodness sake respect the way your ILs and DH want to deal with it.

Speaking as someone who lost a family member to a brain tumour on 2015 - it's not about you. Leave your DH alone, or at least support him! There is no cure for stage 4 glioblastoma. It could be months, it could be years, but no one can predict when he'll die. Exactly what do you want to know?!

I would personally leave him be. My father died of prostate cancer 2 years ago after a very long 10 year battle. He fought it right to the end and even in his final weeks did not fully know the prognosis (his wish) and that he was actually dying. Unfortunately one of the nurses told him against our wishes as we knew it was not what he wanted and afterwards he completely gave up fighting and died 2 days later.

My fil is into year 3 of a high stage glioblastoma and living life like new normal. He knows long term prognosis isn't good but isn't waiting around to die. It could be another 6 months or another 3 years.....

I think you should have some compassion and leave them be. As previously stated, this is not about you.