Dad's terminal

[Elleoodle]

Dad is early 60's and was diagnosed with nose cancer a few years ago. He had radiotherapy and surgery and was in the clear. It came back in his neck lymph nodes, after more surgery, radiotherapy and chemotherapy he was in the clear again. His quality of life isn't good. He can't eat or drink well, move well and is breathless and tired.
The cancer is back again. Throat cancer this time. Surgery is an option but the quality of life if it works (big, huge if) would be awful. Chemotherapy has been offered to extend his life by a few months (upto 6 months without.)
My questions are, he tolerated the chemo well last time - will this be more brutal? He hasn't had a holiday for over 30 years and we want to take him away for a few days just to the beach but unclear if this will be possible?
How bad is death by throat cancer? What should I be prepared for?
I'm early 30's but my sibling is early 20's and lost their mum very young. How can I support them through this?

I'm sorry I don't have answers to your questions and didn't want to read and run.

If you can contact the local specialist nurse team they will be able to answer your questions or at least advise you. The oncologist will be able to give more accurate info about how tolerable the chemo is.

With my dm there have been lots of discussions regarding gains in relation to life expectancy versus loss of quality of life during chemo.

Pretty sure that most deaths from cancer (and other things) are tough on everyone.

Please keep talking to your sibling, make time for each other in the upcoming storm of appointments and information overload.

Gentle hugs for you all

Sorry to hear this @Elleoodle.

I lost my Dad 18 months ago from cancer, he was just 59 and I am early 30s myself so completely understand how you are feeling.

First of all, does your Dad want the chemo treatment? Sometimes sadly people do not want anymore poking and proding.

If he is well enough and feels up to it then absolutely take him away on a small holiday and let him enjoy it, if he is struggling to get around then could you borrow a wheelchair?

Unfortunately cancer is incredibly cruel, but do not worry about the later stages at the moment as I promise you will cope. Make some lovely memories now for you, him and your siblings. Be patient with him. My Dad was a proud man and hated asking for help, which was heartbreaking. Speak with Mcmillian, that is what they are there for and will support you throughout.

Thinking of you xx

Second opinion. Please speak to Kevin Harrington at the Royal MArsden who is the best head and neck oncologist in England and amongst the best in the world. Or Chris Nutting also at the MArsden. For a second opinion on operating - Mark MCGurk UCH or Cyrus Kerawala Royal Marsden. If it hasn’t spread beyond his neck there’s hope and these guys are the only ones to speak to.