Losing my Mum. The feeling is unbearable

[TellMeMore2020]

My wonderful Mama was diagnosed with cancer in September. It's secondary cancer and breast cancer in the spine. The doctor has told us it's terminal and we will lose her.

My heart is so extremely broken and the fear is unbearable. I'm 32 and feel so bad that she's been unable to see me marry or have kids.

I don't know how I'm going to cope without her. She's always been there and we have always been super close. I have no Dad.

Has anyone else been here before 😔

Sadly yes I have. Lost my mam 2 years ago and it's unbearably hard. She had cancer and died very quickly. I'm not one to give advice or post on here normally but I will say this. Make sure she's well looked after and palliative care is instigated early. Better to be known to the relevant services and not need them than scramble around at the last minute when she's poorly. Try and encourage her to make contact with Macmillan and the local hospice well in advance. This is hard I know.
Look after yourself it's hard and will get harder and you need to be very kind to you. Lean on good solid people and forget the flakey ones. Lastly spend as much time with your lovely Mam as you possibly can. Say everything and do everything possible as it is some comfort down the line. It's hard and no one should go through this. You are stronger than you know and you'll realise that in time. Lots of love and strength to you all.

I feel for you. I lost my mum five years ago to cancer and it took me about two full years to fully get over it. She took a piece of me with her and I still miss her every day. But the pain is less raw. Make the very best of the time you have left. You'll need all your strength for the journey through hell you're now embarking on.

At the end of March this year I needed a major life saving operation. I knew it was risky and had made plans incase the worst happened. I had all these scenarios in my head. I was in hospital for weeks before the operation (an hour from home) but the surgeon let me home for a few days before because we knew I'd be in for weeks afterwards. Mum had a sickness bug (other family members had had it too) so in that time at home she didn't visit because I'd been told it was too dangerous to operate with any sign of an infection. The op went ahead and two days later, while still in ICU, DH took a call by my bedside from my sister. She was telling DH not to tell me yet (I could hear her speaking) but that mum had been rushed to hospital. She had ovarian cancer that had already spread throughout her body and the doctor had said two months. All those scenarios and not once did mum figure in them. There was no treatment for her and she died four months later. To say it's been devastating is an understatement. All I can say is that despite being so poorly myself I tried to be with her as often as I could. I couldn't drive for three months after my own operation but DH and my brothers and sisters would take me so I could see her most days. I was again in hospital as the end came but we didn't tell mum, I didn't want her worried. I was only released the day she died so didn't get to see her in those final days, which even now is heartbreaking but I'm consoled by the fact she wasn't fully aware and that my brothers and sisters were with her. It's been an awful year and I'm dreading Christmas but when I lost my dad it was completely out of the blue. There wasn't time to do and say all that I wanted but we tried to make mum's remaining time as special as we could.

I'm so sorry op I've been were you are too.I lost my dad very suddenly then a year later had news similar to you about my mum I was just 28 at the time. Not going to lie when I say it was the worst time in my life...anger and rage at how unfair it was dominated the early days followed by acceptance that it was going to happen with nothing I could do...try if you can to make the time you have left to spend time together just be there...I tried very hard to be cheerful and upbeat when I saw her we did laugh and chat rubbish and did not talk about what was going to happen too often...it's been nearly 30 years now for me. Yes I've got on with my life married had a child without my parents being around and I'm ok ! You will be too. It takes time people used to say to me that time is a healer...I thought it was crap and felt I would never be happy again...but it was true. Time does heal. Keep strong and keep your loved ones close .

I am so sorry to hear this.

Oh @TellMeMore2020 I am sorry. My dm had the same diagnosis in April and like you I cannot imagine her not being there. The festive season is full of mixed emotions.

I am older than you (44) and have my own family but nothing prepared me for the emotional rollercoaster we are now on.

Anytime you want to chat please just message.

It's so hard to lose your mum. My mum died 2yrs after my dd died. The only thing was I was desperate to be with my mum when she passed away i wasn't with my dd. I actually stayed at her bedside for days. When she passed away it was the one thing to help me through it was that I was with her.
It's 2yrs ago now and I still miss her.
Take Care of yourself.

I have too my mum died of metastatic bowel cancer 3 years ago. It was so hard and the first year after we lost her. She has seen both Me and my sister get married and adored my daughter who was 2 and a half when she died. It makes me sad my daughter doesn't really remember her and that she won't meet the second baby I am expecting in the summer if all goes to plan.
I did have some counselling through work which helped.

Thanks for your support. Everyday I wake up feeling so scared
We are trying to get mum home but she keeps picking up infections which is putting her back 😔 The heart ache is unbelievable

I am so sorry you are going through this I remember the pain feeling like an internal pain so deep even now I can’t explain it I was just 33 when I lost my nan who had been a mum to me all my life I have no relationship with my mother haven’t seen her since the funeral 17 years ago. I would cherish every moment tell her how much you love her and reassure her that you will be ok and talk about your future in a positive way this will stop her worrying about you, my mans last words were her worrying about me and my little boys who she adored even though it felt like my insides were being ripped out I kept it together put on a brave face stroked her hair and held her hand while telling her how we would be fine because of you and all the love you have given us she slipped away peacefully holding my hand with me kissing her . Honestly things are never the same but you make the most of your life for them and because of them sending you my love