Coping with DH’s stage 4 cancer

[Diangled]

Hi, I had a thread on here last year about DH & his cancer diagnosis out of the blue. Very aggressive prostate cancer & widespread throughout his skeleton & 1 lymph node. All treatment so far has worked for a very short time & he’s currently getting radiotherapy for a metastatic spinal cord compression. His pain is managed again which is huge relief for him.
I am so sad, our children are still young (teens & a 9 year old) & whilst I try & cope I know I fail. I cannot imagine living without him, I can’t imagine him not being around for our children & I hate thinking about the near future for him. I am strong in front of him most of the time but I’m also consumed by fear, anger & sadness. I’m also monumentally exhausted physically & emotionally.
We have great families, friends & both of our places of work have been amazing but it’s still his / our sadness & burden to carry.
I guess I just wanted a place to offload. I went to call my oldest friend earlier when out on my own but just couldn’t bring myself to bring her down with me (she is also great friends with DH & is also sad about what is happening to him)
Phew - feeling a little better for writing it down .

Oh you poor thing that must be so bloody hard.

Please call your friend she won't mind and you won't bring her down sharing how you feel will probably help you both.

I wish there was something more I could say but keep going I am sure you agree doing your best and that is all you can do.

Sending an unmumsnetty hug ♥️

Oh you poor things.

I'm glad you feel a little better for writing it down. Maybe you could talk to your friend, though - you might find that she is relieved to talk to you, and you can help her too. This is exactly the time when you need your family and friends, and they need to be needed, too.

Yes, you have to be strong, but from what I've read, it's important to keep talking, to your husband and to your children too, so that they feel they can talk to you when they need to.

You're all walking down the same road together. It makes sense to talk about it, if you can, I think.

I'm so sorry for you all.

Im so sorry to hear what you are all going through. I lost my dad when he was just 52, it felt so unfair and i couldnt comprehend my life with him not in it. I treasured both my mum and dad for the wonderful childhood i had..they wer a beautiful love story and my mum still is as devoted to him today as when they first met. Where we all got strength from i dont no bit we did. I miss him dreadfully but i carry his advice and his decency with me everyday. He still gets me strength through the difficult times and i never give up because he taught me to be strong. I honour his memory by smiling at the beautiful memories he gave us,i listen to his advice when i need guidance..i might not be able to see him but i feel his presence very strongly especially in the tougher times. You will be ok. Sending you my love.x

Thank you all for your replies. I will ring my friend tomorrow & will probably have a good cry. I just cannot believe that this our lives. DH is a good normal man. He has children from his first marriage who are in their 20’s & between him, his ex wife & her DH & myself we’ve managed to create a proper step family. He’s incredibly close to his older children & they’ve been incredible during this latest crisis. So I do feel lucky as well as unlucky!

Irene your post has triggered more tears. I hope my children remember their Dad (& me eventually!) with such love & affection. Thank you for sharing.
I’ve had a long bath & am now having a cuppa & feeling much less bleak. DH is sending some work emails & looks like there’s not a thing wrong with him.

It's shit ! My DH has stage 4 lung cancer in his lymph nodes as well plus pleural cavity. We have a 17yd ASC son who just doesn't get it as currently DH looks healthy - he's used to dad going to bed for an afternoon nap 😥

There's a thread on here calm after the storm - there's a few of us with the same crap who support each other.

I also have a thread running about my dh (39) who has stage 4 bowel cancer. It really is shit, I can't offer any words of advice other than take it a day at a time. I felt loads better after writing my thread, I have updated it every now and then. It's a bit like having a diary that talks back to you! Very therapeutic. Feel free to message me if you want to rant away....