How did you do it 2nd time around?

[howwillthispanout]

Briefly DH was diagnosed 7yesrs ago and has been “all clear” for the the past five years. Except he’s not now ... stage 4 and a lot of uncertainty. So how do you do this again l? DH adamant we can’t tell folks it’s back . Im

I don't know. We are stage 4 first time around - hubby didn't want to tell people, in fact still not told his team at work. His boss knows and HR but that's it.

We had 2 years cancer free, when we got the stage 4 diagnosis it was catastrophic and devastating, it took about 3 months before we told anyone. DH has really struggled with telling people, it mostly falls to me. I think you just do what you can when you can. Try not to worry about what’s the right way to do things, just do what you need to as you feel. It can be very difficult when it’s the other person who doesn’t want to tell, as this is also happening to you, and your needs matter too.

Thanks both - and so sorry that you are going through this too. It’s hard as it has impacted life plans but without being able to explain why we have made what appear to be “random” decisions (job and house moves for example) it becomes an all consuming lie. I hate having to pretend but respect DH’s decisions. He would just find it incredibly hard to tell DC (all grown) again and is also reluctant to be treated differently. I understand this as my DF (sadly died) found it incredibly draining when he had to tell us it was back (3 times).