My best friends daughter only has months to live

[user123454321]

Life is so cruel. She's only 10 and my DDs best friend too. She's had cancer and it's now reappeared so aggressively that there's no cure How do I explain it to DD? How do I help her and my friend when I feel so heartbroken?

I'm so so sorry. That must be heartbreaking. i found this book, which is about helping children coping with friends passing away. perhaps you might also like to hang a dream catcher such as this up in her bedroom too in order to remember her friend. you could explain that dream catchers catch bad dreams, and her friend is catching the dreams for her and watching out for her. don't forget to take care of your self too, you will also grieve for your friend and her daughter. I don't know how to comfort your friend, because I myself don't know how I would cope. all i can suggest is being there for her. all the best and sending love Op xx

Thank you. Can't get that link to work but I have bought some books. I just want to cry all the time but that's not going to help anyone.

What a terribly sad and difficult situation. I wish I had some advice for you bit I don't really so just wanted to send some virtual support in what must be such a tough time. Does your daughter know that her friend is seriously ill?

I'm so sorry.

I hope everything goes as well as it possibly can.

Life is cruel, what a terrible thing for her to endure at such a young age and her family, I can’t imagine. Awful time for you and your dd too. I wish I had words of wisdom but the only thing that might be helpful is getting in touch with charities such as Winston’s wish who may be able to advise. Much love to all those surrounding this little girl and her family.

How horrific .

MacMillan cancer support has some excellent advice here on their website about talking to young people about cancer (and death so you may find it distressing reading but it approaches it sensitively).

Also take a look at Together for Short Lives which has a website and is about the issues around children with live limiting conditions.

I know it is easy to say as a stranger and of course you know your DD best; most advice is that age appropriate honesty is best . It’s ok to be upset in front of her and to acknowledge that this is a very, very shit situation.

Thank you all of you. I've heard of Winstons wish so will do some searching for that.

I am so sorry and have nothing to offer except my most sincere condolences
Much love

This has broke my heart user, my daughter I'd nearly 10 and her best friend is my best friend's dd. Not sure if it'd be helpful, but maybe a penpal for your DD? Someone who's maybe going through a painful situation who your DD can tell her thoughts to by putting pen to paper. Also, the film 'book of life' is mine and DD's absolute favourite, we find the idea so comforting that nobody really dies until the last person who remembers them dies, so comforting. The idea that people live on through memories is lovely and so true. Probably not too helpful advice but I'm so so sorry for this heartbreaking situation you're all going through 💔

So sorry, to support your friends there's good resources from the child bereavement network, you can also help her find a counselling service local to her through it when the time is right (typically a few weeks after the child has passed away) as for your dd, there's probably suitable resources for her on the website, and children's hospices often will allow their young patients to bring friends along and may have a workshop or similar. So sorry, it's horrible so young but with your help your dd will be ok, sometimes kids cope better than us!

I second the Winston's wish recommendation. They were really good for my friend's children who were 10 when she died. They do memory boxes which are really good for children to put their 'treasures' to remind them of their loved one.

They also had lots of leaflets, books and online information to help.

She has deteriorated a lot in the last few days but DD wants to see her. How do I know when is best to leave it? I know it will be upsetting and don't want DDs memories of her to be a poorly girl.

if DD wants to see her and her friend wants to see DD go for it,
don't keep DD away as she might regret not being there fore her best friend, also be guided by the girls mother, while your DD will not be there at the end don't stop too soon,
best wishes to you all it's not easy

This is heartbreaking! Sending much love to you all

How sad . I feel if your DD wants to see her friend then I think you need to respect her wishes

Thinking of you all

This is so sad op. I'm not sure of how to say this without it coming out wrong but I would agree to let your dd visit her now to say "goodbye" without actually saying it because she is going to deteriorate and be visibly very sick to your dd before long and her last memories won't be as harrowing.
I really hope that makes sense.

Life is so cruel xx

I am so sorry to hear this. Like others, I would let your DD see her friend. It will be a comfort to them both, but you might need to prepare your DD in case her friend is very frail looking since they last met. Be honest with your DD and do let her see you crying. She needs to know that it is all right to express your feelings. I would try and keep her life as normal as possible, as routine can be very comforting after a bereavement. What a sad situation. My heart goes out to all of you.