Explaining cancer treatment to young child.

[LeeHarper5]

My husband will be starting radioactive iodine treatment soon as part of his treatment for thyroid cancer. We have a 5yr old and so far we’ve managed to explain about Daddy having an operation to remove a lump on his neck. However once he’s had the iodine treatment he will need to avoid prolonged contact with us for a few weeks. I’m struggling to find the words to explain why Daddy won’t be able to sit and read, watch tv or get on the floor to play.
I don’t want to use the word cancer but feel I need to explain that he’s having a special medicine but I also don’t want to end up worrying or frightening him. If anyone has any tips or can point me in the direction of some good resources I’d be very grateful.

So sorry you're going through this. The MacMillan website has loads of resources including how to talk to children and teens. At that age I would keep it simple: Daddy needs some special medicine to help him get better. As time goes on you may want to add: Any questions? or How are you feeling? Remember to have some time to look after yourself as well.

Thank you for you response Willowkins. I rang MacMillan and they are sending some leaflets out.

I'm sorry you're going through this, how horrible.

Ask at your local library if they have any books suitable that might help. Have a look through them yourself before sharing them with your DS so you know that they're suitable and you're ready for any questions.

Hi. Sorry you're going through this. I had cancer last year and my dd was just 4 when I was having chemo. I could still have contact with her so I explained why I needed it and how the medicine was likely to make me feel. I didn't lose my hair so that helped. She seemed to take it in her stride and just got used to it. Good luck.

Thanks for your replies. Dulcedelecherocks I hope you are doing well.
I called into the Macmillan office at the hospital yesterday after dropping my husband off for his treatment. They had a couple of books, mainly aimed at girls or older children but it’s given me an idea of how to explain what’s happening in simple terms.

Well done for being proactive Lee. Our local MacMillan also helps with counselling and advice on benefits, blue badge etc. I hope you get all the help you need.

Hello, I just wanted to add that there is precious little about regarding support for children (I had chemo, surgery and radio last year and have a 5 and 8 year old) but The Osborne Trust will send your little one a cuddly friend, and fund up to 3 fun activities, eg cinema, meal out, trampoline centre etc. It was set up to support children with a parent going through cancer treatment.
www.theosbornetrust.com
It involves a simple form that you can fill in yourself and get counter signed at the hospital.
When I was about to start chemo, I told my then 4 year old that I was poorly and had to take some medicine that was so horrid it was going to make my hair fall out, which he thought was quite funny. He actually helped shave it off in the end.
Through it all, the biggest thing they struggled with was when I was unexpectedly hospitalized with an infection following surgery as we'd obviously not been able to prepare them, but everything else they took in their stride because we'd talked to them in simple terms beforehand.

Why don't you want to use the word cancer? I know everyone is different, but I found it much better to be open and honest with my kids about what was going on, otherwise they may start filling in the gaps themselves, or hear it from someone else.

I hope that your husbands treatment goes well

Argh, God I have just read my message back and it sounds very blunt! I really didn't mean it to be. I think Macmillan is a good start for somewhere that could point you in the direction of some good resources. They also have a section on their website of good books for people going through cancer, including kids books.

My sister is currently having chemo and radiotherapy for stage 4 bowel cancer. I went to Maggies to ask them how to talk to my son about it as he was struggling and was worried he would catch cancer etc.

They recommended the osbourne book scheme mentioned by pp, and to be very direct / matter of fact about things. Don’t shy away from words - apparently kids tend to just take it in their stride and accept. It’s our adult preconceptions that make it scary for us, they don’t have that - but they do pick up on mystique and whispered conversations, so she just advised to be head on with it.

Good luck to you all for the future

I feel so bad that the bloody disease that robbed me of my Dad, is probably going to rob my son of his Dad to. At least I had 30yrs with my Dad, my husband’s cancer is very aggressive and they’ve said it’s unlikely to be cured.
I feel awful that the childhood I dreamed for him is going to be blighted by cancer. I don’t want him to know at 5 years old what cancer is but now I worry I’m doing him a disservice by not telling him. I feel so torn between being honest and trying to protect him. I’m struggling to talk about it myself never mind trying to explain it to him. I walked through the door of Macmillan and promptly burst into tears the other day. It was my Dads anniversary too this week so I’m just having a tough few days.
Thanks for the replies, I will look at the resources suggested.

So sorry to hear that Lee. This is still new to you and I wish someone had told me when my DH was first diagnosed that it would be a long distance race rather than a sprint. I might not have spent so much time being terrified. There is so much love and support on these threads. We are a community. You're welcome to join us on The calm before the storm thread if that helps.

oh lee am so sorry you are in this position. Apologies if I'm speaking out of turn but for some cancers "not curable" doesn't mean a terminal diagnosis but rather that it will be a life long condition. If your husbands cancer doesn't fall into that category, I am sorry for upsetting you.

My sister died of bowel cancer two years ago, her then 3 year old daughter didn't know it was cancer but knew mommy was very ill and also picked up along the way that mommy would die. Her Dad (and mom) were age appropriately honest with her all the way through (and still now). Is there a hospice near to you? they often have a social worker who is trained in supporting young children - it may be helpful to investigate if you could access their services - not only for you child but possibly for you husband in the future