Dating with Cancer - Help!

[HyggeHeart]

Hi, my lovely friend has stage 4 breast cancer. She is doing amazingly well but is currently single. She has lots of friends and a wonderful family for support but would really like to meet someone special. She's a beautiful, warm lady who is fun to be with but is worried that her diagnosis may be a hurdle to dating. Pubs and late nights aren't really an option and OLD seems to be focused on looks and how a person looks on paper.

So how do you meet people when you have cancer? Any advice or positive stories of how you met your partner if you have a chronic illness would be gratefully received!
Thank you :)

While I am very sorry for your friend's predicament, perhaps she should concentrate on her relationships with her friends and family.

I don't think it would be fair on her to start dating a new partner when her cancer is so advanced and she is unlikely to be around to enjoy the relationship.

If you found out your partner had stage 4 cancer that is a different thing and you would naturally support them but, and I know is it sounds cruel, why would anyone start dating someone with cancer? I wouldn't want to develop feelings for someone and then go through the lead up and trauma of losing them.

I would hope, if I was in the same position as your friend, not to be selfish enough to date. You would be being a true friend to her if you made her understand dating someone new is not an option for her.

Hi Hygge - sorry to hearyour friend is unwell, but good to know she is doing well.
I have a feeling (having had breast cancer - and gone to various talks, support meetings etc) that breast cancer care have info about relationships as do MacMillan, which your friend might find useful. if she has a local cancer support centre, they will also I'mm sure be very willing to talk through it all with her.

I don't think it is selfish to want relationships when you have cancer (as PP suggested) - what an odd idea - people with cancer are just that - people, not pariahs. In her situation I would be upfront about my illness, and yes that might unfortunately mean that some people won't want to get involved. But there are plenty of decent people around who are happy to get to know people even if they have a life limiting illness. I've got loads of friends with cancer, some recovering, some life limited - they all have a great attitude to life - live for the moment, live life to the full and have fun while you can because life is precious. They tend not to get bogged down in the petty irritations of life and are better at seeing the bigger picture and what is truly important - all pretty great qualities in a partner.
None of us knows how long we will live, you friend could have a reasonable amount of time left of decent health and treatment keeping her cancer stable. I see no reason at all why she shouldn't enjoy every possible aspect of life that is available to her - and good luck to her, I hope she finds someone to have fun loving times with.

You might try googling 'dating when you have cancer' - I just had a quick look and there seem to be several helpful websites/blogs etc. that might be helpful for your friend.

Kurri

I found that post really heartening. My diagnosis helped me realise my marriage was dead and beyond repair. And I’m getting to the point of being ready to move on