Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Life-limiting illness

Mumsnet doesn't verify the qualifications of users. If you have medical concerns, please consult a healthcare professional.

Original poster

Bath hastening death

29 replies

polkadotsrock · 20/12/2018 23:46

My Granny had a short battle with lung cancer and passed away on Saturday- funeral tomorrow. Her decline was very rapid at the end and seemed to happen shortly after my Granda and I gave her a bath. Now another family member has made a comment that she was fine until I got here, and something about the bath made it happen. Can that be true?

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 20/12/2018 23:48

No, and what a horrible thing to say.

With any cancer, decline can be sudden and rapid. So sorry for your loss Flowers

Lindy2 · 20/12/2018 23:49

I really can't see how a bath would have any influence on her death. She had lung cancer. The bath you gave her would probably have made her feel relaxed and cared for. x

Annandale · 20/12/2018 23:51

NO.

Unless you held her under the water, a bath does not kill a person. She died from the effects of advanced lung cancer and I am certain she was pleased to have family around her towards the end, as most people do.

The person who said this is either grieving themselves or a dumb fuckwit, possibly both. I am being blamed for a death at the moment, it is NONSENSE. Death will come for us all and you know not the day nor the hour.

LurpakIsTheOnlyButter · 20/12/2018 23:53

No. You did nothing wrong.

CatToddlerUprising · 20/12/2018 23:53

Absolutely nothing you did. Such a kind act may have helped her pass peacefully. I’m so sorry for your loss Flowers

helly29 · 20/12/2018 23:55

No, I can't see how that would be possible. It was a lovely thing to do for her and she spent her last hours with those who loved her. Decline can be really rapid or really drawn out - no way to predict it.

I suspect your relative was lashing out in grief - try to get it wash past you if you can though i know it's hurtful. You didn't cause it. Flowers

ButteryParsnips · 20/12/2018 23:55

That's ridiculous. Cancer kills people, not bathing them. Don't give this idea any house room. I would want to look at them incredulously and say 'she had LUNG CANCER' or possibly 'are you telling me I killed my granny?'
You did the best for her and it was most likely relaxing and soothing. Flowers

pallisers · 20/12/2018 23:55

NO. And what a horrible thing to say. I hope the memory of you and your granda helping your grandmother is a nice one. I hope the person who said that to you has an excuse for saying something so stupid and hurtful and I hope to god he/she didn't say it to your granda.

BubonicBudgie · 20/12/2018 23:58

I'm sure the bath made her feel relaxed and comfortable and loved.
I'm sorry for your lost, you should hold your head up high. If you were my GC I'd be very proud of you Flowers

Original poster
polkadotsrock · 21/12/2018 00:02

Thank you for messages of support. It was a really lovely and tender memory and it's being ruined. I had thought of it as being a relaxing thing and it had been a few days and she would have hated that so saw it that maybe it was what she needed to let go. I'm probably rambling but I hope that makes sense. I'm hoping it doesn't sit in my head all day tomorrow, I'm not sure I could cope. Thanks again for replying x

OP posts:
jessstan2 · 21/12/2018 06:07

That was a vile thing to say to you, how dare she/he. Probably wasn't meant but, honestly, some people have absolutely no tact or sensitivity whatsoever. I'd quite like someone else to have a go about the remark on your behalf because I think most people would be horrified.

The fact is your grandma was not 'alright' until you arrived, she had terminal cancer. The only thing the bath did was make her more comfortable at the end which is a good thing.

Flowers
ILovePierceBrosnan · 21/12/2018 06:09

What a vile remark from that person.

The bath was probably lovely and soothing and helped her relax and pass peacefully. I can think of nothing nicer than relaxing in a warm bath.

AsleepAllDay · 21/12/2018 06:10

Absolutely not!

daughterofanarchy · 22/12/2018 16:21

I’m so sorry for your loss OP. Some people truly don’t think before they speak.
My great aunt (aged 84) complained of issues with diorhea and would not visit a doctor. My aunt gave her Imodium to try. It didn’t really have an effect so she didn’t take anymore.
Great aunt didn’t like bothering the doctor but was then admitted to hospital a week later with excruciating pains which turned out to be inoperable cancer.
A few people confronted my aunt saying she had caused the death. She was beside herself and I had to step in to defend her, I was heavily pregnant at the time and could have done without having to deal with the stress of the family’s stupidity.

Schmoobarb · 22/12/2018 16:26

What absolute rubbish OP x don’t give that person’s stupid remark another moment’s thought.

I’m so sorry for your loss. What a loving thing you did for her in her last moments. I am sure she passed knowing just how much you loved her x

FadedRed · 22/12/2018 16:37

Sorry for your loss, polkadotsrock. Flowers
A bath done by you and her DH would have made her feel clean, comfortable and warm. That’s good. Whoever says anything else is talking through their arse.
Everyone who dies will have eaten a last meal, rarely is their death blamed on the cook.
Don’t think about that crass remark again. It doesn’t warrant another thought.

YouCantPolishThis · 22/12/2018 16:42

I am so sorry for your loss.

My mother passed away very suddenly from advanced lung cancer. At lunchtime she was laughing and joking and eating ice cream. By 6pm she was unconscious and died the next morning. We thought she just had a chest infection. The doctors told us that patients with lung cancer often have the most rapid declines.

Please don't pay any attention to this persons stupid remark.

Cherries101 · 22/12/2018 16:42

The person who said this needs a slap across the face and to be thrown out of your presence (and not invited to the funeral). I presume it’s a wanky family member?

pisspawpatrol · 22/12/2018 17:43

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Your relative said a very horrible and mean thing to you. Perhaps they're jealous you got that special memory and time. People can be very odd and horrible when they're grieving. Please don't take it to heart and perhaps give this relative a wide swerve.

I hope the funeral went ok. Have a peaceful Christmas.

Raven88 · 22/12/2018 17:48

I've looked after people who didn't have long left. The bath probably made her feel better, clean and comfortable. it was her time. So no the bath didn't hurry it. Sometimes the minds waits until they have seen everyone and she was waiting to have that moment with you. Sorry for your loss and ignore anyone who says that.

WhatwouldCJdo · 22/12/2018 17:57

Ignore the person who said that.
As the others have said it will not have caused the death to occur quicker.

pinkcarnations · 22/12/2018 18:49

Please don't let this person spoil a lovely memory, they have no idea what they are talking about. When my Mum was in a hospice dying of breast cancer the staff helped her have a jacuzzi bath most days, it helped ease her pain and allowed her to relax. You did a lovely thing for your Granny, don't let anyone convince you otherwise. xx

rascallyrascal · 22/12/2018 18:56

Where was the other family member when you were acting for your nan? Is it possible they feel guilty for not helping more? Either way, what you did for your nan was wonderful and caring and you shouldn't feel bad.

TheQueef · 22/12/2018 19:00

No lass you didn't do anything to speed death up. The only guarantee we have is he's on his way.
I'm sorry for your loss Flowers

Oddsocksandmeatballs · 22/12/2018 19:08

Having worked in a hospice I can say no, the bath did not hasten her death but it did enable her to pass feeling clean, comfortable, relaxed and cherished. So sorry for your loss.