Sister has breast cancer - can anyone give me some info?

[AlwaysColdHands]

Found out yesterday my sister has breast cancer. We live quite far away and so far it’s only my Mum I’ve spoken to, as understandably my sister is finding it v upsetting to talk about, but we’ve managed a bit of communication by text.
I just wondered if anyone with (unfortunate) knowledge could give me any idea of what treatment/ process might be like? I do realise this is different for every individual but some inkling would be useful, as right now I don’t want to ask her for details until she is ready to talk & she doesn’t see her oncologist for another week or so.

She’s been told she’ll have chemotherapy to shrink, then surgery, & overall treatment should take 9-12 months.
If she needs chemo does this mean it’s spread? I don’t know what kind of stage it is, or what type.
Is chemo usually/ typically done in blocks for a certain number of weeks?
Is hair loss still the norm?

Is there anything I can read to learn more about what she might experience?
Is there anything it will be useful for me to know?

The last thing in the world she would want is me rocking up at her doorstep now, as she is quite a private person and she has her partner there. But, I plan to be able to alter my work schedule and be able to get down to her during some of her treatment, if that’s what she wants.

I guess I’m just in shock of course, and upset that she will be frightened.

Any words of wisdom or advice as to how I can be a bit better informed and best support her would be really gratefully received x

I'm sorry to hear this. Just composing a fuller reply

Hey, sorry you're going through this, it sucks. My mum has had BC twice, once 11 years ago and again at the end of last year, so I am well versed

How old is your sister?

For my mum, both times the lumps were small and caught early, her treatment programme was first a Lunpectomy (removal of the lump) they also took lymph nodes from under the arm both times. They do this to check to see if the cancer has spread (if there's cancer cells in the lymph nodes then this indicates it could have spread, but doesn't mean it has)

Mum was 49 first time around so although she didn't apparently 'need' chemo as it was caught so early, they recommended she went for it due to her young age. First time around she had lumpectomy, chemo for a few weeks and then 3 weeks of daily radiotherapy. She didn't find the treatment so bad, was a bit sick on the day of chemo but went back to work a couple of days later

Hair loss wise- you can in some cases ask for an' cold cap' (basically an iced swimming cap!) during chemo, which prevents hair loss. My mum opted for this but I'm not sure she would again, her hair thinned a little on top but she said sitting for hours having chemo with what feels like an ice block on your head isn't at all pleasant

I don't think they'd let you have the ice cap if there was any chance of the cancer having spread (could be wrong about this, just from memory)

All in all, it's a horrible and scary thing to go through, but a lot depends on type / grade / size of tumor etc so until she see's oncologist is hard to know what she can expect

Good luck xx

We have had a similar situation in the family. To answer your questions:

• No, chemo doesn't mean it has spread just that they want to shrink it before surgery. Sometimes the size of the location of the cancer means there isn't enough of a margin around the site to operate before chemo.
• There will be further scans to check the rest of her body for cancer but this is routine. Lymph nodes will be removed to be checked too.
• For chemo, 6 rounds with sessions every 3 weeks was my relative's pattern
• She was very tired and sick for the first week after chemo getting more tired as the sessions went on
• Hair loss is common but cold caps are available to help prevent it
• Surgery followed chemo then radiotherapy 6 weeks later but prognosis is cancer gone and recurrence estimate down at 3%
• my relative is also very private and didn't want me to visit much, actually preferred it when she was at the end of a chemo session so feeling more like herself
• I have tried to be there to talk if she wanted but also to discuss the normal things we've always spoken about so it's not just all about cancer

I hope this gives you a little more info at this uncertain and worrying time. Also, depending on family history you might need some tests for possible genetic link.

Finally, breast cancer treatment has come so so far in recent years and survival rates are massively improved. I hope your sister gets through this and can look forward to many happy healthy years once her treatment is complete.

I'm really sorry to hear this OP

My mum has BC earlier this year and her journey was very similar to Gaia's mum in that it was caught early and her treatment was a lumpectomy and 3 weeks of radiotherapy (she opted not to have chemotherapy though it was offered as she is mid 60s and the very small reduction in risk of it returning didn't, for her, offset the impact on quality of life for those weeks/months of treatment)

It goes without saying that everyone's cancer journey is different and without being a medical person I can't say what lies ahead for your sister. But I will say that my mum received excellent care and support on the NHS. Everything seemed to happen really quickly and she had a designated oncology nurse who she could contact any time if she had any questions or worries. Other than the initial diagnosis, I think the hardest part was waiting for the results to come back once the tumour had been removed, which took ages because (I'm not sure why) it needed to be sent to a lab in the US. Then making the decision as to whether or not to have chemo as the results were very borderline.

In some ways I felt my mum coped with everything better than my dad. This could just be down to their personalities but I think it is incredibly hard seeing your partner go through cancer and often feeling powerless and like you have to be the strong one because it's not physically happening to you. I don't know your sister's circumstances but if she has a partner and/or children, depending on the type of relationship you have, it is worth checking in with them and letting them talk about how they're coping, likewise your mum if she's going to be a main support.

Like you, I live at a distance and what with childcare and work commitments I wasn't able to get down there as often as I liked, but I did when I could and was pleased that I could take mum to one of her radiotherapy sessions. It was good to see where it was all happening, lighten the load, even if it was just one day out of 15, for my dad and of course be there for her. We spoke on the phone too, but I have to say not a huge amount more than usual - we don't have the type of mother/daughter relationship where we need to talk or text every day and it would have seemed unnatural to force it into being one of those. So if your sister is a private person, I would take my cues from her as to how much she wants to talk. Sure let her know you're there if she needs you, but be aware she may not want to talk about her diagnosis to you just yet. Cancer patients are often given huge amounts of information to take on and it was certainly the case with my mum that she needed time to process this before sharing with others.

I hope all that makes sense and is of some help and wish you and your sister all the best for this tough journey ahead.

Thank you so much everyone this is all hugely helpful and de-mystifies things a bit.

She’s only 40 and there’s no history of this in our family. She doesn’t have children, but a partner and lots of very good life long friends. I have a family & work but will definitely make sure I can get down to ferry her to some treatments and so on.

It’s all sinking in and part of it is going from clueless to knowing what it might be like, and I really appreciate people taking the time to share this info, thanks so much everyone x

Always I am 45 and have just had my second diagnosis for primary breast cancer this year. First time round I had a lumpectomy with a Wire Led Excision (the lump wasn't palpable so the wire guides the surgeon to it) followed by 4 weeks of Radiotherapy from which I did suffer a fair bit. As pp have said, the size and grade of tumour will dictate treatment (ie chemo) and also whether the cancer tested as oestrogen receptor positive or negative. If you have a look at the Breast Cancer Care site you will find chat rooms for relatives. Google some of the terms I've mentioned and see what you can pick up. I found it very hard to tell people first time round and it can really seem overwhelming: children, work, friends, family, sports club acquaintances etc etc mentally it takes its toll but maybe just drop her short, honest messages regularly; I have found it hardest where people I though were really good friends just haven't made any effort!

Ps I didn't see an oncologist until after surgery - I just saw my surgeon and then was allocated a Brest Care Nurse from the team at the hospital. I also was given some great literature from Breast Cancer Care x hth

Always, sorry to hear of your sisters diagnosis. I was diagnosed with breast cancer March last year. Treatment lasted 9 months. I had chemo first, which was 6 sessions over 18 weeks. The first 3 chemo were a drug called fec and I had lost/ shaved my hair off by chemo number 2. I had another ultrasound after chemo 2 to see if there was any change to the tumour. If it shrinks you have a third session of fec and then move onto a targeted drug therapy specific to the type of breast cancer you have. About a month after chemo I had surgery and about 6 weeks after that I had 20 sessions of radiotherapy, which is probably the amount your sister will have because of her age. After all this, my targeted therapy was an injection every three weeks for a year. This will vary depending on type of cancer. There will be many many hospital appts on top of all this. If you have any more detailed questions just let me know. Best wishes to you all. X

My mother did not loose her hair - her chemo was against slow growing cells.
I did, but my hair grew back - after the early ridiculous curls were gone - stronger and in a different better colour. I opted for a complete double mastectomy and had four rounds of chemo 15 years ago. I had two under two at the time - so not much time to be ill.
All the best to your Dsis!

Thanks again for this info everyone, it’s v helpful & I appreciate you taking the time for me x

I was diagnosed with Stage 3 Triple Negative BC in November 2016 and started with chemo to shrink the tumour. It does not mean it has spread but if it tries to spread the chemo will have a go at attacking it as chemo goes right through the whole blood stream so having the chemo first is a good idea just in case. In the end though the treatment comes down to the type and stage of cancer.
Cancer is a very individual thing so hard to generalise.
A ct or pet scan will tell you if the cancer has spread elsewhere to the other organs.
Mine had spread to the nearby lymph nodes but I still survived.
With chemo you just have to grin and bear it. Take each day as it comes. IN hospital there are loads of booklets to give advice .

Macmillian has tons of information booklets. When I was first diagnosed I found that their booklets were immensely useful and handy to read. Visual aids were also handy.

www.macmillan.org.uk

Lots of good information and tips. Hint- you might need to search for a while. If all else fails I highly recommend a therapist.

There is a site on the net called Breast Cancer care. IT is full of women going through this illness and you can post very detailed queries on it or just browse topics. It is monitored by nurses and you can ask them questions I think.
My local treating hospital does have Macmillan Breast care nurses but I found them difficult to contact. I only really saw them prior to and after my mastectomy. They are very busy people!