Please or to access all these features

Life-limiting illness

Mumsnet doesn't verify the qualifications of users. If you have medical concerns, please consult a healthcare professional.

Need ideas for a friend to go through chemo - no family around

6 replies

isitcrazyzzz · 04/09/2018 18:48

Hi,

A friend of mine has just discovered she has type 3 breast cancer. It's said to be a very aggressive type and the cancer cells very likely may develop again after surgery in the sequential years. Is that really right?

The biggest practical issue she's facing is that she has no family around her. She's only 35 and broke up with her boy friend last year. She has nobody to rely on during the chemo treatment. She's very uncomfortable about the idea of having to deal with all the weakness and mess during the treatment on her own.

She looked online and is willing to pay to find someone to care for her for extended hours a day. But she's living in a one bed flat and so not practical for this care giver to stay. It's said each person react to chemo in a different way, so we don't quite know to which level of care she would need and for how many hours a day.

I also just read something like the person who takes care of chemo patient needs to be very careful for preventing any direct contact from the chemo medicine in the patient's bodyfluids. It sounds like this person needs to be properly trained or has the basic idea about how to care for patient going through chemo.

Not entirely sure what kind of answer I'm looking for here. But if you have any experience or could suggest how she could have things prepared upfront and reduce the anxiety from there perspective, it would be much appreciated.

OP posts:
TwitterQueen1 · 05/09/2018 16:23

It's lovely that you're so concerned for your friend's welfare and want to help as much as you can, but I think you're both going slightly OTT right now. Your friend needs to talk to her nurses and consultant - they will be able to reassure her and give her a more realistic idea of how chemo will be.

Many people are able to work through their chemo. Nausea / sickness is very well controlled these days. Employers do need to be understanding though as there are inevitably days (often days 4 / 5 / & maybe 6 after chemo when patients can feel rough.

I think you need to take it as it comes tbh. I don't think that paid help would be particularly helpful myself, as it would be more tiring to have a stranger around than just quietly.

No idea what your bodily fluids concerns are! I've had a fair amount of chemo and no-one has needed to come into contact with any of mine...

isitcrazyzzz · 06/09/2018 18:22

TwitterQueen1, thank you for the notes. It would be better if nausea could be put under control. I think because of the fact that she's all alone, she's particularly cautious about any possible difficulty to deal with. I can imagine it's an extremely difficult time for someone to face this alone (She also decided against of telling her family abroad knowing it wouldn't add much help - none of them speaks English so not practical to be around to help. At least, that's what she believes.)

I will encourage her to talk with the professionals more instead of looking up online on her own. It's very sad this happened before she even got a chance to build a life/family.)

OP posts:
ranoutofquinoaandprosecco · 06/09/2018 18:35

I've been diagnosed with breast cancer and am one lot of chemo down. I took all my sickness meds and apart from tiredness have been ok.
My HCPs have mentioned that I need to flush the toilet twice and stick to my own towels. Apart from that just normal hygiene.
I hope your friend does well with chemo.
It may be worth helping her organise an online shop, stock her freezer with meals etc. Oh and make sure she has loads of fluids.

TwitterQueen1 · 06/09/2018 22:12

OP can i also kindly suggest you don't treat this as if it's the end of the world. It isn't. The outcomes for breast cancer are very positive, which means the chances of successful treatment are very high.

An attitude like this It's very sad this happened before she even got a chance to build a life/family is really not very helpful - your friend can still build a life and a family. I'm not minimising the distress or fear or pain but this is not a death sentence. As a friend you should be upbeat, helpful and supportive.

Hellywelly10 · 06/09/2018 22:17

Does your friend have a cleaner? This may be helpful.

ranoutofquinoaandprosecco · 07/09/2018 07:03

Absolutely mirror what @TwitterQueen1 has said breast cancer is very treatable.
Touch wood I'm doing everything I did before diagnosis and maybe more! Encourage your friend it's business as usual as much as possible.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page