My mother has secondary cancer

[theowlwhowasafraidofthedark]

That’s all. Found out a week ago, it’s just hitting me. At home alone, dh has taken the kids on holiday while I’m staying with her. No idea how long she has left. She just seems so healthy but everything I read on the internet seems to suggest less than a year. Can’t stop crying

I'm sorry theowlwhowasafraidofthedark

Do you have siblings you can talk to?

I have a db but he suffers from depression already. I don’t know how he’ll cope when he realises how serious it is.

Sometimes it's worse to have siblings, I have 5 and when my mum was diagnosed with dementia all we did was fight and argue with each other.

Is your mum going to receive any treatment?

I'm so sorry - cancer is an absolute bastard

My mother recently found out that she has secondary cancer (she had breast cancer 10 yrs ago, now it's come back and metastasized to her lungs and bones). She was really ill when she found out, could only walk with a stick, etc. but the drugs she's on now are incredible - she doesn't look ill, she doesn't have any pain, she no longer needs to walk with a stick. As you know, there isn't a cure, but the drugs act like a big parachute and slow things right down. She's been travelling and really enjoying life, so you may have more time with your mother yet.

Feel free to PM me if you want to chat, or if you want info on the drugs she's on, etc.

Good luck

That sounds hopeful snowflake. Dm had spinal cord compression out of nowhere, everything I read about it talks very much about end of life type care but she’s seems so alive. There’s no evidence of cancer anywhere else. I just really want a few more years

I know exactly what you mean - when my mum was first diagnosed and we were waiting for a referral, we thought she must have weeks. Actually, now she's on these drugs, she hopefully has years! I know everyone's different, but the treatments thee days are amazing.

Also, what I found really helped me get through that initial terrible time was to keep telling myself "this is supposed to be hard." I don't know if this will make any sense, but I felt so awful - we all did - that I had to remind myself that it was a part of life, a really shitty part of life that was supposed to be hard - it was always going to feel bad, and we couldn't go around it, we could only go through it. Eventually, of course, we will have to go through it, but at least for now we have some more time together.