Chronic Fatigue Syndrome - how to help a relative

[BarbRoyle]

Hi. My usually busy, fit, super- organised sister has developed quite severe symptoms (possible CFS) - tiredness, leg weakness (needs wheelchair/stick) total lack of energy and really sensitive/teary all the time. This has happened in the last 6 -
8 weeks. Docs are investigating. I am going to spend time with her for a few days (not staying with her - staying with elderly relative nearby). Her DH is really supportive. Looking for advice/tips from anyone with experience on how best to help her. My thoughts are - cook her really healthy (organic) food, do any housework jobs that need doing, listen and hug (and let her rest whenever she needs). Anyone have any other advice/tips? Thanks in advance.

Anyone?

I think you need to follow her lead. Just having someone around when you are chronically fatigued is exhausting, but you feel guilty/embarrassed when it's your friend that you need to push away for a bit. Listening is very important, as is offering help, but trying not to say things like "oh I've heard this helps" (unless you know your friend hasn't tried it) as it feels like criticism or disbelief in the severity of your struggle. You're a great friend.

*for friend, read sister - apologies, I'm very forgetful and couldn't check back at your post as I'm on my phone! Be patient with brain fog if your sister is suffering from that as part of her illness, it sucks.

Thanks very much NewlyWonky - Yes, must be aware not to hang around if she seems as tho she just isn't up to company. So difficult to know what to do for the best

What about filling her freezer with individual meals that literally just need defrosting and putting in the oven...doing their washing/ironing/cleaning (I imagine her husband will be juggling work and looking after her that he might have got behind with stuff just due to lack of time), fresh flowers, something nice to drink that makes a change - thinking some treats. You sound like a brilliant sister

I currently have CFS. I love your suggestions - they sound perfect.

I agree with Newly’s comments about it being exhausting to be with people, even your closest friends. I would normally get bored being on my own but at the moment I’m not really well enough to be bored and just appreciate being left alone a lot.

The presents I have most appreciated have been little things that I can look at and remember that people care about me - things like cards, flowers, chocolates, bubble bath. One of the hardest things about this illness for me is thinking I must be making it up, so anything tangible that tells me that people believe me is really helpful.