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Original poster

The calm before the storm

999 replies

Willowkins · 02/06/2018 12:55

I previously posted under the title: I'm not OK - about my lovely DH with stage 4 bowel cancer.

We heard a few weeks ago that DH has refractory disease - basically the chemo is not working. We see the oncologist this week for the results of the latest MRI and hopefully a new plan but it's not looking good.

I am sitting here in the sunshine and the birds are singing but I know we have dark days ahead. I'm trying to stay strong for the family.

Just needed to share with you good folks as can't really talk about this in RL.

OP posts:
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5
Knittedfairies · 03/10/2018 21:30

I’m so sorry💕

Chasingsquirrels · 03/10/2018 22:03

Sorry to read this Willowkins.
I hope he gets onto the trial and you have some good days in the time ahead.
Try and enjoy the good times and take the bad bits step by step x

Original poster
Willowkins · 07/10/2018 10:44

Thanks again for all your support especially those of you have already gone through what I am going through. Respect.

So I'm sitting in the cemetery where my parents are buried. It quite peaceful. Yesterday was blowing a gale and there was surf all over the beach. I am looking for some truth in the quiet and on the far horizons but there is nothing yet. Just a vague plea to be the best wife and mother I can be.

There is a sign up in the B&B I was staying in. It says: Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain.

OP posts:
Twistofanxiety · 09/10/2018 20:23

Okay so now my darling MrW has an appointment at the Royal Marsden and we'll find out whether they'll take him on for clinical drugs trials. This is really last chance saloon but I haven't seen him this positive for a while. Hope can be dangerous (if it turns out to be false) but that's really all we've got.

ArrivisteRevolt · 09/10/2018 20:41

Huge hugs and hand holding.

I hope you get the Marsden appointment soon.

WhatWouldLeslieKnopeDo · 09/10/2018 20:58

i really hope they'll have something suitable for him Flowers

yolofish · 10/10/2018 23:28

Hello. I am so sorry you and MrW and the Dc are going through this, and I really really hope and pray and have everything xd that he gets onto the trial. We are at the beginning of this journey: DH admitted via A&E with stomach pains on Sat am and CT scan reports say he has a grade 3 bowel cancer with lymph spread. He is home tonight, waiting for results of MRI scan followed by colonoscopy and then radio and chemo to reduce the size of 'large 7cm mass' with spread of up to 29 cm. Dont really know why I posted, you have your own worries, but I really do hope you get the best possible result Flowers

Original poster
Willowkins · 11/10/2018 00:34

Back to being Mrs W. I try to keep Miss Twist for non-cancer stuff.

The appt is 3 hours while they decide if he's a good bet. The booklet said they won't take people with certain health conditions but maybe they will in his case as he only has weeks to live anyway. A friend has agreed to pick up my DD from school so we won't be worrying about getting back through traffic (so unlike me to ask for help). Then we wait a few weeks to hear if he's on a trial. To be honest I don't hold out much hope but I'll support Mr W no matter what.

Yolo (what an appropriate name), I hope the treatment works. Finding out at Stage 3 is much better than Stage 4. We're here to support each other so feel free to post here if it helps.

OP posts:
echt · 12/10/2018 09:10

Flowers Flowers flowers]

For Yolo and Willowkins

playinthedarkness · 12/10/2018 09:20

Each and every day is a blessing, sorry, cancer sucks my dad had less than 2 weeks from diagnosis to last breath earlier this year. My mum was very grateful for each hour together. Sending u Flowers💕

WhatWouldLeslieKnopeDo · 12/10/2018 09:24

Everything very firmly crossed for you both Flowers it's good you've got friends who can help out. It's hard to ask, but people really do want to help.

Original poster
Willowkins · 13/10/2018 09:29

Hi guys, it went much better than I expected. Traffic on the M25 was light! plus we found an easy parking space so we were early but they got us started on tests straight away. I thought MrW's pre-existing health conditions would rule him out but no, they accepted him as a candidate. It now depends on whether they have a suitable slot on a trial for him so we're not out of the woods yet. Of course the other thing is that it might not work. Nevermind that; he wants to try this for our youngest DC.

Big bunch of flowers and chocs for my friend who immediately offered, without being asked, to pick up DD as a regular thing. If he's put on a trial, it will be needed.

Just exhausted and emotionally drained after all that but there is a little tiny bit of hope. Thanks for listening. We have told very few people in RL and writing it out here helps me to process my feelings.

OP posts:
yolofish · 13/10/2018 17:35

That IS good news, so pleased they have accepted him as a candidate. One step at a time... Flowers Wine Chocolate etc.

Amaaboutthis · 13/10/2018 18:54

willowkins this is great news. The Marsden is the best place for him. My DH is under them and I couldn’t praise them highly enough. PM me if you want to chat

Lougle · 13/10/2018 18:56

That's great news Flowers

April2020mom · 13/10/2018 21:35

Any update OP? How are you doing today? Are you seeing a therapist or counsellor or not? It helped me when my daughter was diagnosed with cancer earlier this year. We are a family that has a good number of appointments already suddenly my stress level tripled overnight. Her appointments are numerous.
I was trying to fit her appointments into our busy packed schedule. My childcare provider takes my daughter to most of the appointments and she is required to report back. So does my partner. I focus on my son’s appointments instead.

Original poster
Willowkins · 13/10/2018 22:55

Hi all, thanks for your support. I really think it just helps to write this all down. To answer a question, I have had counselling and it's there if I ever need it again. Also I am on Sertraline and that works for me, helping me to think things through calmly.

OP posts:
Original poster
Willowkins · 18/10/2018 21:29

I really can't quite believe this* but DMrW has been accepted onto a trial which, provided he's still well enough, starts in 2 weeks!

(* part of me expects the rug to be pulled from under us yet again)

OP posts:
smartiecake · 18/10/2018 21:46

I have been following your thread and wanted to say that that is great news and I will send all my positive thoughts and gives to MrW for the trial.

Chasingsquirrels · 19/10/2018 08:49

Very best wishes for the trial Willowkins.
Continuing to think of you both x

WhatWouldLeslieKnopeDo · 19/10/2018 09:36

Everything firmly crossed for you both Flowers do you know what the trial will entail?

FiveGoMadInDorset · 19/10/2018 21:44

Oh that is such good news, good luck to you both

Amaaboutthis · 19/10/2018 22:48

I’m so pleased to hear this. Hoping for positive updates

AnnieAnoniMouse · 19/10/2018 23:07

That’s great news.

Is he still working? Do you think the benefits outweigh the cons? I think I’d have him locked he house away from everyones bugs!

🤞🏼Xx

yolofish · 19/10/2018 23:28

that is good news, everything crossed for you and Mr W and the little Ws that he stays well and all goes to plan.