Help

[shakeatailfeather]

Been told today that dh has weeks at best left to live. I'm lost. He has cancer - oesophagus originally, and liver, bone and lung mets. We are only 40 and have 2 children. Our youngest is too little to know what's happening. We hadn't told oldest much except dribs and drabs. He's only just 7. I had to tell him after school that daddy can't come home from hospital. We're all devastated.

How do I cope?

I don't know what to say.

Sending hugs and strength. ❤️❤️

I'm so very sorry to read this. Cancer is a fucker. Scuse language.

In answer to how you'll cope - you just kind of will cos you dont have a choice. I mean that in the kindest possible way.

Have you got a hospice/community nurse/cancer support charities in the picture to help you?

And friends and family - lean on them, tell them what you need as they will wantvto help.

[Flowers]

I’m so sorry; sending courage and strength 💐

Oh so v sorry to hear this. Sending a huge hig of support.

Am so very sorry to hear that shake. Have you been in touch with Macmillan etc - I know (from when my sister died last year) that they offer particular support to children which may be of use for your oldest. I'll PM you something as well.

So sorry to hear your news - especially with your children being so young and you struggling to stay strong in this situation. I know it's tough but you will get through this. Be kind to yourself.

That's terrible. So sorry to hear that. God bless you all x

You will cope, although I won't deny things are going to be bloody hard for you all emotionally for a while. I have been here myself, my DH died 3 years ago and my children were just 5 and 7. The things I would do now is tell the children. You don't need to go into lots of detail but you need to be honest and answer their questions. Give them a chance to say their goodbyes. Its the most appalling thing you will probably have to do in your life, but I promise you, it is necessary. And child do cope better than you think they will. If you have a McMillan at the hospital, or some other bereavement service, I would ask them for advice on what to say, they could even be there with you. When my DH died McMillan were with us all the way, from breaking the final news that he had died, to coming with us to see DH when he had gone. There are books you can get which are helpful. The watebug and the dragon fly is one (I think that's what it's called.)
I would accept any help that people offer you, now and afterwards. It helps to get you through. I would also try and take as many photos, videos of DH talking, anything to create memories for your DC. They will appreciate it in the future.

The way organisation (widowed and young) is also brilliant for peer support. I would consider joining at some point later on. The help I got from them helped me to keep my sanity and I still have long lasting friends from that who just get it. Keep posting here as well. There are quite a few of us who have been in the same boat. Keep strong. Big hugs.

What an awful situation, I'm so sorry. There is a lot of support out there, previous posters have mentioned most, but have a look at Winston's Wish which has lots of advice and resources for helping young children to deal with terminal illness and bereavement. We found our GP to be a great support as well and she put us in touch with other agencies who could help.

I'm really sorry for you and your family.

Winstons Wish are an amazing support for families and children.

I'm so very sorry, Sending you a big hug of support
You will find the strength, as others said accept help when offered xx

Thanks everyone.

Eldest is devastated obviously. I was able to tell him in school with head teacher there. I had already spoken.to her and she is going to connect us with counselling services. Unfortunately he had quite realised the full story - he mentioned something a few months off and I had to say that daddy won't still be here then. Youngest only months old.

There was discussions re hospice as dh would prefer that, but we don't know if it's possible bed wise or health wise :(

I am incredibly lucky to have some wonderful friends. I do love them. One of them just sat with me as I talked this afternoon. We have a very similar outlook, and have been through other losses. He really helped

Thank you all

so sorry shake cancer is the fucking pits.

I am so sorry, what an unfair awful situation for you all.

Sending strength x

Try and make as many memories as you can - I remember onlyjoking focusing on that when her DH was very sick.

So sad to hear your news - wishing you and your family strength.

Sorry for you all.

I have found these people very helpful to talk to about how to explain things and what to expect about the way children react and deal with bereavement.

childbereavementuk.org/

Agree with photos, videos, handprints, anything you can manage as a memory to hang on to. You will manage because you have to but it isn't fair and there is no rhyme nor reason to it.

So so sorry to hear your news OP

Hi OP how is everything?