Prostate cancer, lymphoma and “in the bone”

[DuckAndPancakes]

My dad took a phone callwhilst he was with me earlier this week. I overheard who was calling and it was a cancer only hospital arranging a PET/CT scan.

I had no idea anything was going on and proceeded to spend the rest of the week worrying and overthinking.

He came to visit yesterday and I asked him to talk to me about it as you don’t go to a renowned cancer hospital for the flu.

He’s had cancer for two and a half years. Started in his prostate. He also has lymphoma and it is in his hip bone. Whilst he was telling me all of this I was in utter shock. He’s not told anyone until now.

If it’s in his lymph and bones that means metastatic cancer and basically end game doesn’t it? He’s not having any treatment other than to control wee symptoms from the prostate (which hasn’t been removed)

I want to find out what’s going on more but I don’t know what to ask him.
I also think he needs to speak to my brother as there is now a familial history (my dads dad had prostate cancer but had it removed quickly and now Dad has it) and my brother is on many drugs that can increase cancer risks.

I feel totally alone as I’m scared shitless I’m gonna lose my dad and angry that if it hadn’t been for the phone call he took whilst here I probably wouldn’t have known until he died.

Sorry this is rambling a bit but I don’t know where to go or what to do. I just want to cry.

Go ahead and cry, it’s a huge shock so be gentle with yourself.

Spreading doesn’t always equal terminal.

Wait until you know more and only worry with what you know.

And give your dad a big hug. As much as you may be hurt he didn’t tell you before, he obviously loves you so much he wanted to protect you

I was totally numb after he left yesterday. TRying to process everything that he’d said. He’s a very calm person who keeps to himself and is private in many ways. He doesn’t do worry or stress. I don’t think he wanted to tell us as we have “too much going on”. My brother and I both have young children and my brother has a chronic illness.

Dad has said that everyone dies and that he’s just concentrating on living and doing what he wants to do. But I find it strange that he’s having or not had any radiotherapy etc. I have more questions to ask but I can’t when my eldest is around as I don’t want her to know right now or be asking more questions herself.

I don’t want to lose him but the more I research what he’s told me, the more I feel that it’s something I’m going to have to deal with sooner rather than later.

He may have opted not to have aggressive treatment, or it may not be necessary in his case. Could you ask to go along to an appointment with his oncologist with him, would he allow you to do that?

You'll be in shock now, be kind to yourself.

I was in exactly the same place as you. Ignored symptoms, metastased to knees and lymph nodes. We were told that due to the aggressive nature of it my dad was looking at 6 months. He decided that as he was not long for this world that he would go on a medical trial. It was so successful that it has been fast tracked into mainstream treatment. It could quite possibly be the one your dad is going to get. My dad was diagnosed 10 years ago. It may not be as life limiting as it first seems.

unescorted do you mind if I ask what treatment your dad is having?

OP my DH has advanced prostate cancer which was diagnosed out of the blue. It has spread widely in his bones and lymph nodes. It has completely turn me apart but just to keep things practical for your thread ...

DH is classed as incurable but treatable for the time being. Some people choose to use terminal but DH doesn't want to at the moment. I don't think you said how old your dad is but it might be that the chemo DH had is too much for him. There are still a number of other options though. (Surgery isn't offered for prostate cancer if it has already spread to the bones.)
Yo can call the specialist nurses at Prostate Cancer UK for advice and explanations. They are very good :
08000748383

They will also be able to advise re best time for your brother to start asking for a test.

I hope you dad gets to see a good oncologist and there are still options for him.