Is there anything I can do?

[HettySunshine]

My best friend's sister has only got a few days left. She's been fighting cancer for over two years and in now unconscious in hospital. She's 27.

Is there anything I can offer, or do to make things a tiny little minuscule but easier for my friend and her family?

Should I make food? Take magazines? Offer to do washing? I just feel so useless...

So very sorry to hear this. You sound like a wonderful friend. You know her best, but having been in this situation I’d say yes to food - perhaps soup or a big lasagne or stew.

Magazines - less so I would say, partly due to levels of concentration, partly because there might be upsetting articles in there (that wouldn’t be obvious, but she might be sensitive or simply not care for the content at this incredibly difficult time).

If you can find a card or poem or quote that you think will bring your friend and family comfort then you could share that.

Washing and practical help - nice to have the offer even if she doesn’t take you up on it.

Just be there for her, let her know you’re thinking of them.

One of my close relatives is terminally ill. It’s a helpless situation. I know friends mean well, with either offers of help or advice or hopeful sounding empathy or suggesting alternative ideas or even outcomes, but none of it can help or make a difference. I’m ultra sensitive to it and have to remember “they are only trying to help” when most of the time I want to say “I didn’t ask for that advice” or “there is no fucking hope” or just plain “you have no idea”. But of course that would achieve nothing for anyone. And that’s just me, some people probably want all that. I guess there is no right or wrong. It’s just very shit all round.

My advice would be to drop in some easily reheatable food, text her and tell her you love her and that’s it. Don’t offer advice or try to empathize.

The best support I’ve found is with people who have been through this too. I know they get it and they generally don’t offer anything else other than a hug or a “I get how shit and hard this is”.

You sound a lovely friend but don’t underestimate the helplessness of it all.

I think what I am trying to say is that some people appreciate the love more than the help or sympathy.

Send your friend suggestions of music she could play for her dsis.
When I supported my friend and her dm we played all sorts of CD's in the final weeks. My friend found it comforting to share her dm's favourites with her .

She's at peace now.

So sad to hear this, so unfair. The next couple of weeks are likely to be busy for her - sorting out the funeral and things, although, in a way it’s a blessing that it’s now the weekend so she and the family can rest a little.

I’d you’re able to keep up the practical and emotional support it will be invaluable for a long time to come yet. Well done for being a good friend

Thank you. I made a big veggie chilli last week which I think they have been nibbling at and I've done a couple of loads of washing.

Just trying to get a few of the background things done so my friend and her family don't have to worry about them.