Don't think Dad's Coming Home

[PinkBuffalo]

I'm not sure why I'm posting. I can't stop crying and have no one. Dad is unresponsive in hospital. I live with him and my severely disabled mum.

I don't think he's going to make it. We've been told to prepare for that. All my family have other family (marriage, kids etc) but I only have my dad. It's only ever been me and him and I can't deal with this.

On top of this, I still have to provide my mums care. She is obviously distressed but nothing I can do.

I just needed to write it down before I lose it completely

Pink, I'm so sorry you're going through this. My heart goes out to you. Wishing you all the strength in the world to get through it.

A great big antipodean handhold for you, PinkBuffalo.

My heart goes out to you PinkBuffalo - have a virtual hand hold. Try to look after yourself - I know that's hard to do at times like this, but keep trying to eat.

how lovely you got to go out in the fresh air and spend time with your niece.

Crying over him while sleeping: I don't think that matters. I don't feel like he'd be distressed by it - he knows you love him and will be really sad right now. I think it is okay. If you get to be with him, hold his hand and tell him you love him. The tears will come, but that's okay.

Well I did pop up this morning (hosp is a long way as we are in the sticks a bit). He knew who I was, but you can't understand what he's saying. Toxins in his brain must have affected the part that controls his speech. I told him I missed him & loved him & gave him kisses. He said he knows we miss him. Glad I saw him, but it did upset me.
I'm hoping as he's a bit stable (I.e. Hasn't crashed completely) they're going to move him to the hospice as that's a better environment than hospital. Fingers crossed ( although the hospice is even further than the hospital).
Thank you everyone for taking the time to post. I really appreciate it

So sorry to read your thread, pink. If you can push for the hospice transfer asap I would recommend it. We found the environment much better and they also provided aftercare that you wouldn't get in a hospital, such as counselling and physical therapies. Thinking of you.

so very glad you got to spend time with him. Sounds like you made it a perfect visit (hard as it must have been!) and that will be a good memory in time to come.

Here's to hospice. We're all here when you need us

This is going to sound weird and I don't expect any responses to this, it's just me thinking through.
Went up again today. Checked his infusion & they are infusing morphine nothing else. No one told any of us he was having this. Everyone is shocked! All they've said is he's in no pain, so not sure why they're giving him morphine. His skin looked much better bruising wise & he is not yellow! He is even managing a few mouthfuls of food during the day! & had some juice whilst I was there. I am going to call tomorrow & my sister is going to arrange meeting with Drs. We are thinking of asking for a transfer to a specialist liver unit as we were told he wouldn't last the weekend last weekend over a week ago! He seems quite stable although very poorly obviously, but I'm starting to think they could offer some kind of treatment or a drip. I'm not holding out hope, but I don't want to just give up when it hasn't happened yet.
I gave also emailed the British liver trust to see what they advise. But I can't believe we didn't know he was on morphine, this could account for all the sleeping etc as well as him bring so ill.
I'm back to work tomorrow & going to ask if I can ring people from work. Trying not to get angry now...