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Life-limiting illness

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Original poster

Cancer of Unknown Primary

10 replies

annaphanthao · 06/09/2017 14:32

My DH was diagnosed with cancer a month ago and despite a lot of tests and scan and biopsy, docs still couldn't find what kind of cancer it is, but it spreads very fast and metastatic to his bone and brain. The consultant told me is's Adenocarcinoma of Unknown Primary Cancer. They are still looking into it but it is not a promising outcome and the consultant told us he only has a few months to live, even with chemotherapy...

When we heard the horrible news from his consultant, DH turned to me and said ''I'm sorry I won't be able to take care for you for the rest of your life''...We know each other since we were 10 years old, officially in relationship when we were 19, 4 years distant relationship, and just married in Dec 2015. He is going to turn 29 this month, he's very very very young for cancer. He is always a healthy man, no smoking or drinking. We always do everything together and I can't bear the thought of losing him and seeing him suffering in pain.

He always take care for me even now when he's in hospital, he still worries about me all the time. I really thought of ending my life if he's no longer in this World. I pray to God every night for a miracle. Life is just so unfair...We did so many things together, whenever we saw an old couple walking hand in hand, he would turn to me and said ''When we grow old, we will be as happy as them...'' and now I know that future is vanishing....I even don't know if I can ever love anyone as much as I love him...

He is in patient at Southampton Hospital, NHS. If you know any good oncologist for unknown primary cancer please do let me know. I am also thinking to bring him to France for cancer treatment as some one told me UK cancer treatment cannot compare to France?

OP posts:

5BlueHydrangea · 06/09/2017 14:56

So sorry to see this. A friend of mine was in a similar position recently. Had a metastatic cancer of unknown primary. She was treated at the Marsden hospital but sadly died about 16 months after becoming ill leaving behind a young family.. Was only in her 30's. Big shock to her family and friends.
Do you have any support? Get in touch with Macmillan too they may be able to offer more support too.

Original poster

annaphanthao · 06/09/2017 15:31

I have both his and my family here with me at the moment, as I don't think I can handle everything all by myself, I'm worn and hurt and scared... still can't believe this is happening

May I know during 16 months, was your friend able to feel ''okay'' and leave the hospital to enjoy a normal daily life? My DH has blockage in his kidney so docs put 2 tubes from his ureter to external urine bags, this made him very difficult to walk. His general health also weak therefore he only lies in bed....It's a very heart broken scene to see a healthy man like that...

I really wish if thing comes to worst, at least he would have a short period of being ''healthy again'' so we can at least go for a walk, watch a movie and do anything he loves for the last time...

OP posts:

kingjofferyworksintescos · 06/09/2017 15:44

Sorry I don't know any answers to your questions but didn't want to move on without saying I'm really sorry for your news , do what pp said and talk to Macmillans they should be able to help you . A big un- mn hug for you

Willowkins · 06/09/2017 16:00

So sorry to hear your news. I'm not surprised that you're reeling from the shock. As PPs have said, Macmillans are great at explaining things and sorting out practical stuff (they also offer counselling). Have you been told the treatment options yet?

MrsMozart · 06/09/2017 17:22

I'm so sorry. I know what you mean about wishing your loved one could have even one last normal day doing something they love. I hope he and you get it.

5BlueHydrangea · 06/09/2017 20:10

My friend was at home a lot but in quite a lot of pain which made life very hard. She had chemotherapy then radiotherapy but her cancer spread so they couldn't get on top of it. I know she deteriorated quite quickly in the end and unfortunately was in a lot of pain. She did struggle looking after her dc. She was bedbound at home in the last few weeks then ultimately moved to a hospice, initially for pain control but sadly went downhill and died there.
I hope I'm not upsetting you more saying this. Every illness progresses differently. Your dh's situation may be better or worse. Your treatment centre will be able to give your more information relating to him specifically.
Have they offered chemo or any other treatment?
Accept any help offered to you both. (Do you have dc?) The hospital may have a social worker or specialist nurse who can support you further and help you access further support, info on benefits etc. Do ask what help is available there.

ImNotCute · 06/09/2017 20:34

I'm so sorry you and your DH are going through this. We lost my mum to cancer of unknown primary a few years ago. I would recommend this site as a good source of information:

cupfoundjo.org

I work in cancer services and believe Southampton is well regarded as a treatment centre. They are very active in cancer research and should be aware of all the latest evidence on the best way to treat patients like your DH.

Unless you have some particular link to France I wouldn't see any reason to think about going there for treatment. Outcomes for cancer patients are on average better in some European countries but that doesn't necessarily mean they could do anything more in your husbands particular case. I've seen patients move countries in the hope of a miracle cure elsewhere when sadly there was no such thing and they just made their last few months with their loved ones much more difficult.

My very best wishes to you and your DH. Although in my case it was my mum rather than DH I recall the awful shock and desperation to help her. She was older than your DH but still too young and I always thought she'd be here to watch my kids grow up xxx

Ttbb · 06/09/2017 20:59

I don't know what treatment is like in France but it is very poor in the U.K. I hope that you get your miracle x

PinkFluffyFairy · 07/09/2017 07:08

1234hello · 07/09/2017 19:03

I'm so very sorry to read this, life is very unfair. I would agree that Southampton is a good hospital for cancer treatment and also that seeking treatment in France may possibly only make life more difficult/stressful without improving your DH's prognosis. You are entitled to a second opinion on the NHS but it can sometimes mean delays in treatment.

I hope you get some time together with your DH feeling well - make sure even the small issues are raised as there is usually something he can have to alleviate symptoms or chemo side effects.

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