My brother has terminal bowel cancer - how can I help my parents?

[NooNooHead1981]

Feeling shit today.

Was told my brother has not got better being at home and has to go back into a hospice. My poor brother. My poor parents, too.

The doctors have said there is nothing else they can do, and it's just making him more comfortable now.

I feel so helpless watching my brother and parents deal with this. No parent should have to bury their child. He is only 34.

Why does life do this to us? Why aren't we all given an easy time? I'm naively asking questions that don't have any answers and that won't change or go away.

God, give me strength. :-(

I am so sorry for this awful news.

You will be helping your parents just by being there.
There is nothing you can do to stop the pain.
It is inevitable.
You are important too and siblings often get forgotten about.

I wish I could say something useful. You will get through this. You and your parents will surprise you with what you can endure.
Take any help the hospice offers.

Thank you for your kind words. Nothing can express how sad and upset I am knowing the awful time now we have to deal with waiting for the awful end. It is almost worse than the fact he won't be here.

I wonder how others cope with this sort of thing. It's so fucking unfair how short life is sometimes and how it cruelly takes those who don't deserve it before their time.

I think it will be a real test of my strength, I may be on here a lot more over the next few weeks. 😥😢

Other people cope in the same way you will...just putting one foot in front of the other and supporting each other as best you can. And, like MrsDV says - take any support offered from the hospice etc.

Sadly, I have walked in your shoes in the recent past and have sought comfort wherever I can find it. You are probably experiencing anticipatory grief, I know I did.

Do keep posting here, and PM me if you like. It's completely normal and healthy to ask why this has happened, and you have already sensibly acknowledged there are no satisfactory answers. I wish I had some!

If you can share how you feel with your parents and let them share their emotions with you then that is a good thing. But don't worry if you can't at the moment.

People cope because they have no choice sweetheart.
I think our brains find a way of protecting us.
It is amazing how we get through.
Take each day at a time. Its all you can do.
I know you are scared

Thank you all, you are so kind.

My brother and I are adopted and to think my parents will have to watch the child they wanted so much die of such an crap disease just breaks my heart.

I have had a lot of ill health over the past couple of years including a head injury, breakdown and drug-induced movement disorder, and more recently an ectopic. Now I know it isn't about me at all, but it really is the icing on the cake with this. Sorry if that sounds very selfish, I shouldn't be thinking of how it will impact me; I should be focusing on the time I have left with him.

I can only hope I am as strong as some of you have been and can be as supportive to my parents as I can.

Thank you again. :-)

I'm so sorry. It just all isn't fair. I know life isn't fair and at times is just shit. A handhold and a hug lass.

Thank you again all. What makes it more heartbreaking is I feel like I lost my relation with my brother years ago, as did my parents too.

He had a lot of health problems that were prob all self inflicted through smoking, weed, poor diet etc and it seems such a waste of a life. He had every opportunity and could have done anything with his life. I feel so sad knowing he had all these chances - an excellent grammar school education, middle class upbringing, great home and amazing supportive parents - yet the outcome was this.

I guess you can't live others' lives for them though. 😔😢