Cancer prognosis, who's best to talk to?

[FFSenoughofthis]

A close family member is in hospital atm showing signs of very advanced cancer. The medical staff have permission to talk to me, but so far are being rather vague. They've told me that certain symptoms are due to the cancer and I know enough to know that they're usually the beginning of the end. The cancer itself is a particularly nasty one.

So far I've only spoken to nurses and haven't been able to speak to a doctor. I have a very good reason to need to know how advanced things are and how long we're looking at. Family member is in denial about how bad things are so a meeting with us all isn't going to be productive.

I've been very wishy washy and not very direct with the nurses, but think I'm at the stage I need to be more direct. Who would be best to speak to? In previous settings I've been able to arrange an appt to see the dr, can I still do this in a hospital?

Thanks in advance, I feel rather lost!

yes you can make an appointment to see the doctor while the relative is in hospital. tell the doctor to be honest with you.

Having recently faced exactly this situation (my Mum was diagnosed with advanced cancer in October) I found the best person to talk to has been the specialist nurse.

If your family member is in denial then obviously it's best to respect and protect that, as that's how they are coping with it for now. They probably do know deep down, or at least are terrified of their prognosis, but denial helps them maintain a semblance of normality.

If your family member hasn't got a specialist dedicated nurse then the consultant under whose care they are receiving treatment may speak to you, but I think will need your family member's permission to give any detail.

Hope your okay and staying strong. Think very carefully about asking anything that you may not want to hear the answer to.

Sorry to hear that your family member is so ill.
Are you able to attend ward round or appointment?
It's difficult to get information unless you are next of kin, or permission has been given.
We found that the hospice staff and Macmillan were the most helpful and honest, my DH spent some time in the hospice to adjust all his medication so he could come home as was his wish.

Macmillan supported our family for Two years.

Thanks everyone. Ward round isn't going to be an option I don't think as the visiting hours are proper crap!

One of the problems I'm facing is that he's making promises to the DC which as far as I can see are never going to happen. Along the line of "when I get better and out of hospital". Older DC knows there's a chance that wont happen, but younger keeps talking about when he's better despite knowing he'll never get fully better. It feels like a rock and a hard place cos I know he needs that belief for himself, but my job is protecting the DC.

I'll give the ward a call today and see if they can arrange for me to see someone. I really hate this shit, especially at this time of year.