Mum has cancer

[Itscurtainsforyou]

Just found out mum has cancer. She's been told that she'll probably need surgery then radiotherapy.

I'm over 100 miles away with a poorly child so can't rush there. I want to help but I don't know how.

She's only seen a general surgeon dr so far (who ordered the scan and found this unexpectedly), he's referred her to another dr (but not oncology) to get the ball rolling. Does anyone have any insight as to how long this will take? She's been told it needs to be done urgently.

I really want her to go to a specialist cancer hospital not far from me rather than her local general hospital as I think she'd be in better hands, but she's worried that moving to a different hospital might delay things.

I just feel really helpless

So sorry. Where is the cancer? DM was initially dealt with by a surgical team and only saw an oncologist after the op. She received her diagnosis and was operated on within 2 weeks. She should have a nominated macmillan nurse who can answer her and your questions n the meantime.

Thank you.
It's in/on the kidney, so we think the whole thing is coming out.
No mention of Macmillan yet. I think it's tough because we've had this diagnosis but there no plan yet and everything is in limbo.

Just heard that it's over 2 weeks until her appointment with the urologist, so she might not have surgery until Christmas/new year.

This seems like a really long time to wait after the general surgeon said it was "urgent". It could have spread elsewhere in that time

Does this sound acceptable to anyone else?

Two weeks seems like an eternity when you're waiting for something like this but from memory it's similar to the timings with my mum. So sorry you and your mum are going through this. Definitely look into Macmillan, they are very helpful and will have lots of information for you

Try not to worry, it won't have spread in two weeks. Where does your DM want to be treated? Maybe she'd prefer to stay in her own home or hometown.
If she changes hospital this shouldn't delay things.
I had cancer treatment 15 years ago and chose my local hospital rather than one nearer DD 150 miles away.
If you can, go with her to her next appointment so you can ask the questions you need answers to.

Thanks
She's got my dad with her, but I think they're both feeling frustrated/let down at the moment. Being told you have cancer is so terrifying, being told it needs treating urgently, then having to wait weeks to see a dr (& probably weeks again for surgery) just seems so cruel to me.

I think she wants to stay local (which I understand) but I'd just like her to get the best possible care.

This is all so crap, I'm not sure that I can manage without my mum

I feel exactly the same, my mum is 57 and there's nothing more they can do for her. It's so unfair. I really hope things look up for your mum and her treatment goes well!

There's now a question mark over the surgery as she has heart problems. The surgeon wasn't very hopeful about any other kind of treatment working either

They've done some tests on her heart and another ct scan (to see if cancer is anywhere else...) and we're now waiting for results.

I go from being sad to angry to frustrated with the Drs/hospital...