Would a consultant give a realistic prognosis to a wife without husband knowing?

[SilverBat]

DH has just been told he has bowel cancer, had a CT scan and it's shown up spots on liver and lung. He will be having a PET scan in the next few days. Booked in for the bowel surgery next week.

Consultant is very optimistic that it is all treatable, but is that just him trying to keep DH positive - would he tell me if I rang up to speak to him?

My mum couldn't get a straight answer out of her consultant- I suspect the 'be truthful as far as they are able to absorb it' meant they were loath to tell her as she was very, very emotional after a late diagnosis.

I did though- my then employer asked for a letter from the doctor before granting compassionate leave so I could look after her. It was pretty blunt seeing it in writing.

But it actually made things easier for my mum emotionally, not more difficult.

I had a friend in this situation. Her DH's oncologist was very gungho and just talking about the different treatments available. Meanwhile the GP said to her 'get his affairs in order'. I think it made it harder for her because she and her DH had very different outlooks on what was to come. Sadly the GP was right in terms of the outcome.

I'm so, so, sorry about your DH Summer.
He had the PET scan last week, consultant rang him yesterday and results aren't back, but the team have decided for the surgery to go ahead still on Thurs.

I can definitely remember before the first scan he said curable, not treatable. I am pretty sure he said it after the spots were discovered too. We both came out of the appointment remembering different parts though. I think we need to start taking notes.

Frangipane I'm sorry about your mum, her reaction sounds like my dads was, so I can see why they wouldn't necessarily say anything. I take it you told her yourself then? That must have been very difficult.

I have decided not to pursue anything, and trust that the consultant is being completely straight and not gung-ho! We haven't told DH's family or our DC about the other spots, they just think it is a bowel op and then chemo. It is quite hard not slipping up sometimes, and I don't think I could bear such a big burden alone if the consultant told me something different.

Thanks for the positive encouragement Tinkly. I hope your dad continues to remain in good health.
Congrats on the pregnancy . Something positive to focus on, and look forward to.