Waiting

[pinktransit]

I'm sitting outside the hospice, as my DPs eldest son is having some one on one time with his dad.
His younger son (both in their 30s) has popped out for some food.
We're basically just waiting for the end. Counting breaths until there aren't any more. It's so hard - half of me wants it over now, half for him to stay with us.
He's just 60. 8 weeks ago he had symptoms of an ulcer - 6 weeks ago he was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer.
We were told months. On Sunday we were told 'a short number of weeks'. Yesterday it was days, today it's hours.
He's mostly pain free now, but pretty much sedated too, so very little quality of life.
I'm 250 miles away from home (ldr), staying at his house. My family are amazing but 250 miles away.
Don't know why I'm posting really - just practising saying it 'out loud ' I think.

Oh pink so sorry to read what you are going through . DP and family too of course. Cancer is a cruel disease. You all have had no time at all to process the diagnosis never mind the utterly sad outcome .
My heart goes out to you . Having your family miles away is an extra cruelty.

Are the hospice staff supporting you? Do you feel up to telling us about you dear DP? No worries if not .We can chat about anything if it helps to type .
Thinking of you

Pink.
Can't say anything helpful, just keep you in my thoughts and hope that means you don't feel so alone.

Pink

Thank you for your kind messages. I'm sitting by his bedside, still counting breaths. Shallow now, sometimes a pause then starts again.
The staff here are just amazing. All the time we need to ask questions, lots of hugs at 3 am this morning after a difficult half hour.

It's just been too quick - I wanted more time. Still, I am so thankful that we've had some time - we've said what needed to be said, which h is a blessing.

It's so hard isn't it, I don't think anything prepares you and you've had such little time to prepare. Thinking of you all.

Oh Pink
I am thinking of you and your DP.

So sorry you're all dealing with this, it is so hard sitting, waiting.

Thoughts with you all.

Still thinking of you Pink

Still counting....

Each breath seems such hard work for him, but he won't give in
X

Oh Pink, no words just wanted to say I'm thinking of you both x

Another one thinking of you.

thinking of you here too

sending a hug x

So sorry.

He's gone
I haven't told anyone yet. ..I don't want to make it real

I'm so very sorry for your loss xx

So so sorry pink. .

pink

I'm so sorry. What a terrible thing to go through. Take care of yourselves.

So sorry for your loss Pink Take care of yourself and come here when you need to unload.

Make sure you keep your fluids up, plenty of water, try to eat regularly even if you don't feel like it and if you can get some rest even if sleep doesn't happen lying down allows your body some downtime.

I am so sorry for your loss. I was where you are now 18 months ago and the shock, grief and physical exhaustion is truly overwhelming. Take each day as it comes and lean on others when you need to. WAY (widowed and young) is a fantastic support network, there if you need them xx

So sorry Pink

I'm sorry for your loss

So terribly sorry to read this
I'm praying for you and your children

Dear Pink, I hope you're getting plenty of support. Thinking of you

I can't believe it's been 6 months.
We scattered his ashes a couple of weeks ago.
I still don't know how I've survived the last 6 months without him, but I have. I miss him, I'm scared of forgetting him, his voice, how happy we made each other.
I appreciate the support I had from this thread, and others. It made such a difference, just being able to ramble, to put thoughts into words.
Thank you xx