Dads stopping treatment for small cell prostate cancer..feeling sad

[whatisforteamum]

dad was diagnosed with prostate cancer aug 2012 while Mum was being treated for advanced ovarian type cancer.They both had chemo and responded well.
Aug 2014 dads cancer is back and spread to his bladder and lymph node.Chem didnt start until this Jan!! and as dad has the small cell type ..rare and aggressive he had 2 sessions of 3 days of chemo.
Yesterday he told me he is thinking of stopping treatment.Th tiredness and illness is taking its toll on my usually upbeat dad.
I fully understand his decision as Mum has had chemo twice and this is his second round.
He has pain at night too and i think although dont know his cancer will progress fast.
My DH of 28 yrs is being off with me.he had a heart attack in nov 2013 and has changed alot.he was previously supportive and kind now he is quite rude and a bit aggressive although he is seeing doc about this.I dont get reassurance or affection though.
I have no idea how i will cope seeing Dad get worse and no idea who to turn to for support as Mum has her own worries.
I know my situation is not as bad as others i just wanted to get this off my chest.

Hi. Didn't want your post to go unanswered. I really feel for you. I don't have any pearls of wisdom to offer I'm afraid. I lost my mum to a brain tumour 10 years ago. It's was a desperately sad time. Is there any day centres close by? Marie Curie centre? What about seeing your GP? Any other type of support groups? Maybe this type of things don't suit but sometimes they have emotional or perhaps just practical advice of how to help your dad but also how to cope with this yourself.

Hi thank you passthewine..we all know our parents will pass away but it is so hard to watch your previously strong dad lose hope.Harder for Mum as when he cancer returns she more than likely wont have his support (he accompanied her to all chemo and looked after her after her major surgery..he even delayed his own chemo.
Just having a moan on here as no one i work with has the slightest idea about these things as they are all 20 somethings.
If Dad gets Iann rennie hospice nurses again i will getin touch with them.Gp first though as ive had anxiety and depression before :)

Watching a parent go through something such as this is indeed traumatic. My mum was as strong as an ox, my best friend. She completely fell apart when she became ill. I was struggling with her illness and the fact that she couldn't cope when previously she had always been such a strong woman.

There's no magic formula, just take one day at a time. These types of things expose you in ways you didn't know possible. I too have had depression and anxiety, for me triggered by my mums illness, amongst other things. Be kind to yourself and don't be afraid to ask for help, you have a lot to deal with right now xxx

passthewine i am so sorry you went through this.Your poor Mum.I know some cancers can change the persons personality.I am so lucky that mostly both my parents have coped amazingly well with their own cancers and prognosis and the fact their other half is soo ill.
Cancer amongst other illnesses is very cruel.People have a habit of saying silly things too.
Dads cancer typically spreads to the bone,lungs and brain.
I have been taking life in bite sized chunks the last 3 yrs not knowing who will be ill next.
How old was your Mum? Mine was 64 when diagnosed at least she has had 7 yrs more than expected. Take care xxx

I contacted cancer research and they said typically the prognosis is a yr from dads cancer so 2 1/2 IS great.
They also couldnt give a time estimate as he may have radiotherapy.he sees the oncologist this week so maybe we will know more.

So sorry you are going through this OP. I am going through something similar with my DF who has terminal pancreatic cancer. The chemo didn't work and he decided not to continue with a different type. You just feel helpless don't you? It's very painful to watch them suffer and see the joy that once was has now gone. I hope you will have some more positive news from the oncologist and that you will find support for yourself too to help you get through. Have you got friends/other family who you can talk to?

hi bensam so sorry about your DF.Since i posted Df had one more chemo then bone scans and ct scan.He was assurred the results would be available.He has had shoulder pain so i was v worried.He arrived at the appointment only to find they didnt have the results!!Mum is furious as she also has stage 4 cancer under control at the moment.He has chemo booked for next week.Thing is he wouldnt be having 4 appointments if the cancer was still spreading anyway.
I dont have anyone in RL as mum like i say is worried and dh gets easily upset since he had a major heart attack last yr though i do tell him things.I work unsociable hrs so hardly ever see my 4 siblings and we all deal with it differently.
Mum and Dad have been amazing the last 3 yrs but Dad is struggling quite a bit now.
How are you and your DF taking this news ? meant to say my colleagues arent supportive infact some take it as an excuse to put the boot in.They are younger so do not understand.One keeps saying our parents will die so deal with it.Good job in the calm polite type :)

Hi whatsforteamum. How annoying about the appointment - it just adds to the stress! It must be so difficult for you to see both parents suffering with cancer at the same time :(
We are gradually coming to terms with DF's diagnosis/prognosis having gone through all the anger, denial and false hopes that we can cure it ourselves i.e. with diet changes etc. It's obvious that it's spreading fast and there's just nothing that anyone can do. I just want to make sure that he isn't going to suffer..
How awful about your colleagues - what an uncaring bunch! - they may realise one day just what it's like to go through this. No-one really understands until they experience it x

Dad got admitted to hospital with blood loss when peeing quite badly and low blood count.
Put on antibiotic drip and in isolation.I visited him and he seems in good spirits despite the scare,he maybe getting radiotherapy instead of chemo.Something was said about spots on his bone scan.Stressful 24 hrs especially for Mum xx :(

Hi sorry you’ve had to go through this. We are going through a similar scenario right now.