mum and Dads incurable cancer

[whatisforteamum]

In 2007 our world was rocked when Mum was admitted to hosp and diagnosed with stage 4 cancer.She was v ill with fluid on her lungs and told to get her affairs in order.She was 64.Chemo worked and she was ok until 2012 when they did major abdo surgery and chemo.
While this was going on Dad was diagnosed with cancer.Stage 3 in lymph nodes.They both had chemo and it worked.Although mums abdo burst the stitches and she had to be whisked back to hospital.
Dads cancer returned last aug and he had a biopsy on his kidney and yes the cancer had spread there too.
Many months went by and Mum almost begged for the to start chemo which he has now.Her cancer is on 4 monthly checks.
During this time my DH had a major heart attack and was off work a couple of months waiting to see if he needed a triple bypass.
During all this I have been throwing myself into work eventhough my new boss is a vile bully.I usually hate to have time off work even a week as I miss it so much.
Ive just had 2 weeks off and loved being able to cook for Dad then I got a nasty cold and couldn't visit.
Lovely too not listening to shitty comments about me being old (48) !! and sighs about how my parents will die anyway ( I don't really mention the half of it).
I have some life savings as we live a very basic life and I am trying to work out wether to leave my job as I cant get key times off ie easter bank hols xmas mothers day etc and enjoy these times while I am well and can also Dads cancer is an aggressive type.
I can easily find a job in my field.I just feel 11 yrs without a holiday and Dad getting worse with pain and peeing at night several times.His appetite has been poor too.
I kept money for a pension fund but with all this going on I do wonder if life will pass me by and I wont have the retirement I thought I would having seen my 3 loved ones so ill.
Would you use a bit now to spend time with your family ?
Love to all going through this.

So your parents are both terminally ill and you want to care for them, and at the same time you love your job but hate your boss.

Could you find a different employer? work part time? do your parents need enough care for you to get carer's allowance? How long could you survive without your income? A crude one, but if your father dies will there be any inheritance to make up your savings a bit?

Hi Purple I was going to say they have a fair sized house to leave the 5 of us inheritance.I did love my job v much and saved as I work part time plus extra when required.People find it laughable that I love working.I did apply for others jobs last yr and got them but it was the camaraderie from the team that kept me there.Not one of them has asked after me or Dad the last 2 weeks though.
.Dad and Mum are both independent at the mo.Dad really hates to see me working until midnight and all the family things ive missed the last decade.
I cant help thinking would I kick myself for working this bit when money can be replaced but time cant (even my life is passing me by).How would I feel like Dad sat in the chemo chair thinking of all the weekends I was at work and what I missed.(I usually just get on with life and never stop)

I would change jobs and try and get part time hours, you don't want any regrets later on if your parents do pass. And life really is too short.

You have had such a hard time, try and look after yourself too

Thanks lastnight..i went back monday i do work part time up to 25 hrs sometimes more recently.However the way i was spoken to on my return was harsh.My boss did ask how Dad was although he prev told me compassionate leave is 2-3 days.
No one else asked.
Saw Dad today he looked well and has shaved his hair down.He was waiting for chemo 3 times this week again .Docs rang his white blood cells are down so it is cancelled.Im sure he sykes himself up for feel rough after.
Also seeing my DH have a major heart attack made me realise life is v short and me saving for a rainy day all my life perhaps now is the time to use a bit.

You may be entitled to carers allowance. It might be worth looking into this. Sorry you are having a horrible time.

Thanks musical iam just having a major life reshuffle as i dont want to make myself ill while i have savings set aside.Terminal illness makes you realize how short life is.

I found myself in exactly this position. Dad with kidney cancer, mum with breast cancer, a 13 m dd and miscarriages on top. My boss was a vile nasty bully "for God's sake don't get pregnant we need you here" 5 days after a mc (that she knew about). I nearly had a break down she took me so low. I got another job with an amazing boss and have had 2 promotions in 4 years, and my contribution is respected and valued. When my father was dying they told me to do what I needed to do, let me work from home or at weekends. I never looked back. You are clearly going to be an asset wherever you go and deserve to work for someone who respects you. You can do it. fuck the boss and put yourself first. You deserve it xx

gothearse thanks so much.Im so sorry you experienced everything at once too.Mum being very ill was hard then Dad too and the Dhs heart attack we coped well with really eventhough he has had anger and depression and ED linked to it.Our teen DD is currently looking for a job so each one event would be ok on its own but altogether the last 2 yrs have been quite hard.
My last boss was not the sympathetic type but realized family situatons do have an impact and he would never refer to me as a minger or lose his temper for the slightest thing.I never phoned in sick in 8 yrs and like you say was respected which makes a huge difference to how we feel.
The other manager is polite when he covers.
Many people have no clue how i feel (luckily).I have been offered lots of jobs as my CV is good it was just the security i wanted and people i know but this one person putting the boot in and chatting to one of my colleagues is making me feel bullied and unsupported.
I am so glad the change worked out for you.:)

You shouldn't have to put up with it. Have you told anyone else? Is there anyone you can trust? Have you ever calmly and professionally told them how they make you you feel? So sorry you are putting up with this. Can I ask what field you work in? Curious, as it would not be tolerated by most employers in my line of work. After I left I went and told my old bosses boss eveything. The bitch boss retired not long after.

I am in catering.The funny thing is he isnt too far from my age but mentions it all the time.I would say no one else does but one other guy has started to.The other 10 or 15 people are lovely.
I preffered to handle it as a joke.He must be stupid if he doesnt know how hard my homelife is.That is probably why he is one of the top managers keeping people on the hoof and scared for their jobs.
That aside my Dad has had another 3 chemos and been bit rough.Now he is being tested for radiotherapy.5hospital visits in 8 days.We will find out if anything is working next week on their 49th wed anniversary.

I hope it goes well for your dad, its horrible constantly waiting for results and the visits are a grind aren't they. What I meant re the boss is he knows about your home life but does he know how he personally makes you feel? Do think if you told him just how hurtful his words are he would be embarrassed enough to stop? All I can say from my own experience is that I either needed to do something about it or leave. Ultimately I left, and did something about it afterwards when I found out she was bullying someone else. I missed my colleagues but met some amazing new ones, and as I said now get recognition for what I do. You are worth way more than this treatment and what ever you choose to do, when you are long gone and happy he'll still be skulking about like a nob while everyone else looks at him knowing full well that he is an insecure dick overcompensating for his own pathetic inadequacy. Next time he hurts you remember him in these terms .

well now im ill been over doing the double hrs and caught a virus.struggled in thursday for my 12hr day and phoned in sick this eve.I know my name will be mud but its my 2nd time off sick in 9 yrs as i love my job.We get Dads scan results this week ct and bone scan.It gives me hope that there are nice people out there like i say most of my colleagues are really lovely to me but all it takes is 1 rotten apple to spoil the barrel.So excited that spring is almost upon us. :)

update...SO DF got admitted to hosp with bleeding and very low white blood cells.Turns out chemo isnt working and is too be stopped.Radiotherapy is being offered.As dad has an aggressive cancer this is of great concern.I told my dsis and she or other dsis told df what we had seen on the internet.Wonderful Df is angry so is DM i cant trust anyone :(