Struggling to support dh

[eggdipdip]

Hi
I'm hoping this is the right place to find some advice. DH has sarcoidosis, which is primarily a lung disorder but he (freakishly) has no lung symptoms. Instead he has arthritis type symptoms - swollen, incredibly painful joints, flu like symptoms etc.

But after 2 years of mood swings and depression and irritability...I've run out of coping strategies. I don't know how to support him anymore. I don't know how to help him.

I know I'm being a spoilt, horrible cow. He's the one suffering daily, taking pills that don't provide the relief he needs but give him horrid side effects instead. He's the one living with the pain.

I just wondered if there were any other partners out there struggling too?

Or should I just get over myself?

I don't know what to do.

That sounds really tough on both of you. Do you have any support? You are not being a cow. It is understandable that your DH is depressed and irritable, but it doesn't mean you should just be expected to put up with it. You are allowed to be human, and have limits too.

I'd try a support group for either the particular illness or failing that a depression support group for carers. My DH had a 2 yr depression which thankfully he seems to be over. It's really hard on you, to be constantly supportive etc. especially while getting very little back as its all about them. Sadly there are lots of people in your position OP, hopefully you'll get the support you need. Try the mental health board on here too, you never know. Don't be afraid to reach out for counselling yourself, your life has been equally impacted even if you're not the one in physical pain.

Thank you both. I talk to my mum sometimes, but it's hard for her to hear that her sweet son in law is being an arse towards her daughter! It is what it is. You just have to keep plodding on I guess.