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Life-limiting illness

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Original poster

What is happening? Please help.

47 replies

3littlerabbits · 16/08/2014 23:51

Mum has stage 4 cancer with bone mets. She finished chemo 3 months ago. She has been fine , doing everything until this week when she became nauseous, just lying in bed, not eating, vomiting, saying an occasional word but not much else.shes been into hospital for a few days. They did scans but said there are no new tumours or increase in size of the existing ones. She is home now but is still in the same state as above. I can't get Macmillan on the phone because it's the weekend. Out of hours doctors have prescribed anti sickness medicines. What I want to know is - is she going to come out of this or does this sound like the end? Thank you x

OP posts:

Original poster

3littlerabbits · 18/08/2014 00:27

Thanks killmenow, really glad they got the right medication for your sil. My mum is so much better since they changed the anti sickness drug, or else it's the steroids, I don't know but whatever it is she is now talking (though a bit slurred and some weird stuff) and says the nausea is gone. Has had tea and a bite of toast. I can hardly believe it. My brothers had to carry her to the loo again though but maybe if she can eat more tomorrow she will get strength back. I'm going to see about a commode tomorrow. I am feeling a bit more positive now. I live a flight away though and am supposed to be leaving on Thursday. I need to sort out a lot of things for her before then, or not go. Trying not to panic about that now and just concentrate on getting mum through this current crisis. Can't believe I am talking about her getting past this now. A bit of hope!

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BringMeSunshine2014 · 18/08/2014 20:32

Hi love, how has your day been today?

It's hard when you are a flight away. I live 12,000 miles from my Mum now and it's a worry. I hope you are at least closer. If you needed to, would you be able to stay or do you have to go back to work etc?

How long can your brothers stay?

Other then being 'in bits' how is your Dad?
xx

Original poster

3littlerabbits · 19/08/2014 09:00

Hi sunshine, yesterday was ok. No sickness and she are a bit of food as well. But - can't sit up or walk unaided and is not talking sense. I don't know if it's the meds or a stage. I was hoping after sleep last night she would be a bitbetter today but no, shes the same. I don't know about staying - we have no family where we live to help my she with the children. I will need to talk to work and see what they say. I am going to ask the nurse today about carers. Mum will hate that though. I wish I knew for sure why she is sick like this - is it a stage in the cancer, a brain tumour the scans missed,a stroke even, or something else. Can't get an answer to that. Poor mum. It's just awful.my brothers are very good and are here at lot ( they don't have children) but they have full time jobs so can't be here all the time. Dad is functioning but very very sad. I keep thinking she will wake up and feel better but don't know if that's an impossible dream. Do you have family closer to your mum? It is a worry isn't it? I didnt think of this when we settled abroad...

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BringMeSunshine2014 · 19/08/2014 09:39

I'm sorry to hear that your Mum hasn't picked up as much as you hoped she would, it's a worry isn't it. Have you been able to speak to MacM, the hospice & the hospital? Someone needs to help you!! They either need to find what is causing it (so often something quite simple!) or confirm that it's a 'stage' of the cancer.

It is awful for all of you x

Your work would have to be utterly heartless to say you can't stay if you need to.

Maybe your DH could look into a temp nanny or childminder to help you out for a bit, if you can't afford it on your own, perhaps your Dad or brothers coud help you out with that so that you can stay. Also, don't hesitate to ask friends, I'd be very upset if you knew me and didn't ask if I could help you out.

My brother lives near my Mum, but he's married with kids and whilst she helps them out a lot, they don't seem to have much time to help her when she needs things doing or just a bit of company. My brother never goes around 'just for a cuppa' even though he goes past there everynight on his way home and only lives 5 minutes away, so she never gets to actually talk to him as the kids are always there when she sees him.

She misses me a lot and I feel very very guilty living so far away :(

I hope you can get more medical assistance today, someone should be able to come and see her - see if they can do anything to help her regain some strength & awareness.

ImperialBlether · 25/08/2014 12:54

Hi, OP, I've been thinking of you and your family. Hope your poor mum is feeling a bit better now.

Selks · 25/08/2014 13:16

Yes, wondering how you're doing, OP. Hope things are going as well as they can.

Original poster

3littlerabbits · 01/09/2014 17:44

Thanks for your thoughts. I appreciate it. Things aren't great. Mum was admitted back into hospital the day after I left. She has been there since. I've been flying back and forward (the cost isn't important and it's not too far and I have a bit of savings so am trying not to think about that). She is just lying in the bed still. She says a few words in response, sometimes they fit, sometimes not. Mostly she says nothing or is asleep . I don't think she can see well but I'm not sure - maybe she is hallucinating a bit. I get that impression. She has developed a shake in her arm. She has looked in pain a few times - they have put a morphine syringe driver in to help that. I know I can't fool myself any longer. I can't think about things because it is too much. Just trying to block it all out because if I stop to think I don't know what will happen. My dad is just destroyed. I know this is not a unique story but to our family it's everything. Sorry to be so miserable - today is tougher than other days for some reason. Early 60s is far far too young

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Selks · 01/09/2014 20:14

Sorry to hear your update. It must be truly heart wrenching right now. One tiny mercy could be that at least she is receiving medical / nursing care, I'm sure they are doing all they can to make your Mum comfortable.

Wishing you strength x

Original poster

3littlerabbits · 01/09/2014 21:52

Thanks Selky - yes at least she can get pain meds and she is in her own room in the hospital which is good. I'm going to google complementary therapies - maybe something can help her or be soothing. As the disease is on her bones and now brain I think massage might hurt and aromatherapy no good as she was sensitive about smells a couple of weeks ago. If any one has any suggestions that would be great x

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Selks · 01/09/2014 22:29

Not sure what complimentary therapies to suggest, but if you wanted to start a separate thread on that I bet there would be loads of suggestions.

Blondieminx · 01/09/2014 22:32

So very sorry to read this update.

Gentle stroking of her hands and just chatting will be the most appreciated.

Apparently hearing is the last of the senses to go. chat about your chlldhood memories?

Thinking of you x it's so very hard isn't it x

LatteLoverLovesLattes · 02/09/2014 23:01

I am so, so sorry to hear that :( I'm not surprised your Dad is in bits.

I'm glad you are able to fly back and forth & that your Mum isn't too far away. I hope work have been good to you. I know it's not easy with the kids and that, you are doing well to be there as much as you have been.

I'm really sorry that I can't suggest any therapies for your Mum, all I can suggest is to keep her skin well moisturised as a gentle touch is nice but also because that environment really dries out your skin and it feels tight. Clarins Jeunesse des mains is lovely handcream that doesn't feel greasy.

Sorry to be so miserable don't be daft, this is your thread, this is your Mum and you are right, early 60's is too young, far too young :(

Bastard cancer :(

Original poster

3littlerabbits · 08/09/2014 22:35

Thank you all again for your support . Kindness of strangers has been such a gift. My mum passed away this morning. Everyone is pulling together. I don't really believe it's true although I was there. How can my mum be gone? At least she is at peace and there are no more pains. She was so wonderful, we were so lucky and didn't appreciate her enough . I love you mum, good night x

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BellMcEnd · 08/09/2014 22:45

I've just read your thread for the first time. I am so so sorry for your loss. What a lovely Mum she sounds like . You also sound like an amazing daughter . I'm thinking of you and your family at this sad and difficult time

Bimblepops · 08/09/2014 22:45

I'm really sorry for your loss, your mum was obviously very very loved. Wishing you and your family peace and rest. Thinking of you all.

ClaraDeLaNoche · 08/09/2014 22:46

So sorry 3little. Thinking about you. Don't be hard on yourself. Xx

Ebayaholic · 08/09/2014 22:52

I'm so shocked to see your update, and so sorry for you all. I hope you can take peace from the time you were able to spend with her at the end.

NoSquirrels · 08/09/2014 23:05

I'm so sorry, 3little.

Painful to read. Your quote about it not being a unique story, but devastating to your family has really resonated with me.

God bless you, and your family, and your mum.

Eyespy24 · 09/09/2014 09:46

I'm so very sorry to hear your news.

LatteLoverLovesLattes · 09/09/2014 10:03

Oh I am so sorry to hear that, so very sorry x

I'm glad you were able to be there with her though, after all of the travelling back and forth you were doing, it would have been very upsetting if you hadn't been there.

The shock & just the fact that they aren't there is huge - be really, really kind to yourself. People underestimate the impact that losing a parent has when you are an adult, they really do.

Lots of love and strength to you and all your family, especially your Dad.

[PS I was BringMeSunhine2014 previously]

Original poster

3littlerabbits · 10/09/2014 08:13

Thank you Latte/Sunshine, yes I was very lucky to have been there with mum. People are being so good to us at the minute. Just need to get through the funeral. Thanks again - you've been so lovely x

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echt · 11/09/2014 08:49

De-lurking on this thread to offer my condolences, rabbits, but glad to see you had the consolation of being with your mum at the end.

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