Please or to access all these features

Life-limiting illness

Mumsnet doesn't verify the qualifications of users. If you have medical concerns, please consult a healthcare professional.

How to cope with the knowledge??

4 replies

Pudgy2011 · 05/04/2012 18:21

My darling younger brother is 28 and was diagnosed last year with an unknown aggressive cancer (probably testicular) that has spread to his lymph and spine.

After a year of aggressive chemo, quite a few rounds of radiotherapy and maintaining hope despite emotional blow after emotional blow, we learned yesterday that any further treatment he has will have less than 10% chance of success. He is talking of refusing further treatment and enjoying any time he has left which doctors have said will be months not years. For the moment he is comfortable and walking with the aid of crutches and attempting to retain his sense of humour in the face of this knowledge.

I don't really know why I'm writing this, but just wanted to find out how others coped when they are facing a loss of a family member. We are a very close family, I currently live offshore but am flying back to the UK tomorrow night to be with them for a week. DH and I have a 6 month old DS who is the best thing through all this, as he's always happy. I hope bringing him back to London again will give everyone a welcome distraction.

Even though we've known this was a strong possibility, we always had hope but now that hope is all gone and I don't know how to handle that. Knowing how scared he must be reduces me to a gibbering wreck. I so badly want to be strong for him and his wonderful wife, and for my parents and older sister but I don't even know how to go about getting my game face on.
I don't even really know what I'm asking for, I think just any words of wisdom that I can refer to when the going gets tough or any ways that I can help my family through this.

Thank you in advance x

OP posts:
Bunbaker · 05/04/2012 18:30

I have no words to comfort you, but am thinking of you and wish you all the best Thanks

catonlap · 05/04/2012 18:44

Sorry to hear this.

Have you thought of contacting Macmillan ? They provide support family too.

Pudgy2011 · 06/04/2012 02:34

Thank you bunbaker and catonlap - I will contact MacMillan when I land in the UK, I understand they are fantastic.

OP posts:
Solo · 06/04/2012 02:52

So sorry that you and your family are facing this.

In my experience (my Dad), I found that talking to him about everything was the way we coped with his terminal cancer. Past memories are something my Dad loved to focus on and talk about. We also talked about his funeral and what he'd like etc.

I feel it's important not to ignore what is happening to your DBrother unless he wants to, so maybe just put your toe in the water and then be guided by him.

I hope your visit is a good and positive one for all of you.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page