Your views & experiences of breadwinner & caregiver roles?

[charlysangel]

Hi,

I'm interested in your views on breadwinners & caregivers roles across families. Do they exist? Are they gendered and how does this work in your family? Are they more prevalent in some families than others?

Thanks in advance

[Ionderog]

We have quite strongly separated roles - reversing typical gender roles - I'm the mum and the breadwinner.

It does make for a few difficulties - bosses who don't understand that I will work as hard as a man because I am the main breadwinner and midwives who make strange statements about "there's nothing wrong with that" when they find out, but it works really well for us.

[drivingmisscrazy]

not quite sure what you're asking. Do you mean in relation to gay/lesbian families? I think these roles do exist in families (it's a simple matter of doing IYSWIM) - but in lesbian families both parties are mums, so Ionderog's situation doesn't really apply. I am currently the main breadwinner, but also do a lot of the caregiving too - I don't feel that the former negates the latter, and I want to do it for my DD. The terms of the question need re-definition for gay parents IMHO - though it is a very interesting question.

I don't see these roles as inherently gendered, although others tend to perceive them that way, and I am happy that DD will understand this as she grows up. But I know plenty of straight couples where the fathers do a lot of childcare, but more where breadwinning and caregiving are seen as polar opposites - i.e. doing one means that you don't have to do the other. I think people at work generally assume that my DP does most of the childcare. We have a huge advantage in that we see it all simply as work to be shared and have no gendered expectations about the relative value of each. Having said that DP sometimes envies the fact that I go out to work, and I feel the strain of trying to work full-time and do as much childcare as possible.

[SoupDragon]

How many times are you planning to post the same question in different topics?

[charlysangel]

No plans on posting soupdragon. I'm a 6 months pregnant teacher trying to get my head around my new identity & how the site works. I'd go & ask people in person if there was any decent services out there where I live that didnt pigeon hole me into a category a bit like how I'm assuming some websites work.