New to mumsnet, hoping for advice about becoming a lesbian mum, i want child(ren) with my partner but soooo scared about being a Gay parent !

[staceybus]

hey im stacey and im 25, my partner of 5years is 27.

I want a baby more than anything and so does my partner yet im soooo scared of bringing a baby into a gay relationship and for all sakes a gay world and possibly being bullied and taunted for having 2 mums.

I have never met any lesbian mothers and hoping i could get some advice as this would help so very much,

Many thanks, Stacey x

Not being a lesbian I'm a bit useless on the experience front, but I do want tow elcome you and wish you all the very best - for what it's worth, (FWIW) I am very much in favour of single sex couples having children, as much as dual sex couples.

Confidence might be helpful, in terms of fending off bullying so make sure you gather as much support as possible around your family, when you go for it. Children who are confident are less likely to be a target, I think.

Hi and welcome to Mumsnet.

I went to uni with someone who had two mums and she was very happy and well-adjusted; she didn't seem to have suffered bullying etc..

Sure someone will bealong soon with more specific advice and experience - didn't want your 1st post to go unanswered

Hi guys, thank you for the welcoming messages, feeling very welcome

hi - and welcome. Like Lenin i'll post at greater length tomorrow. But you have to sort this out in your own head otherwise it will be hard to be a good parent to your child. Depending on what route you choose your child will be just as happy and well-adjusted as any cared for and much wanted child. Openness and honesty will be key - not just for you as a couple, but for your families and friends - the most important thing for the child is to know that his/her closest family and friends think and believe that his/her family is as good as any other (which it is!). I was similarly scared and worried - was it right, blah blah? We now have a 16 month old, and believe me, I would want to do violence to anyone who said anything that could hurt her. There will be challenges, of course. All sorts of children get bullied, too.

Also, remember that all the research suggests that lesbians and gay men make excellent parents and that outcomes are as good, if not better, than for children brought up in conventional families (and what does that mean, anyway? family structures are now very diverse). Lesbians are apparently particularly good at raising boys

good luck -

sorry that should have read 'irrespective' of what route you choose! we used a known donor, but all methods have advantages and disadvantages - as does all parenting!

Hi and welcome to Mumsnet

I know how scary it is - I dithered around for years, desperately wanting a child and being too scared to it - for ruddy years before I went for it. Like you, my big fear was of bullying.

I now have a birth daughter of four, and am just about to adopt another little girl who is eight months old. I absolutely love being a mother and wish I hadn't waited so long! I still worry about bullying, but motherhood has given me a kind of courage and confidence to tackle things that might hurt my children - the mother tiger instinct, I suppose - and I can't believe I will ever think it would have been better for them not to be born.

I know quite a lot of lesbian parents, and some of their kids have had a tough time and some others haven't. But I don't think it is inevitable and I do think there is a fair bit you can do to make it less likely to happen.

Good luck - you'll get lots of good advice on here.

Hi just wanted to add we have two dc's dd1 age 8 ds2 age 3 neither child has ever had major problems. dd1 is very open about her parents and is now almost at end of year 3 at school all her friends know who me and my partner are and have just accepted that we are her parents. Some children ask questions but dd1 handles them well. One memory that makes me smile is when a dinner lady at her previous school asked her what a Bubba is (what she calls my partner)and why she has a Bubba, cool as anything she replied "A Bubba is like a dad but a lady" she did not bat an eyelid and the dinner lady apparently felt bad for asking her but she was happy that she had been asked.

Hi there - I agree with everyone else - it's about confidence and being open. Me and dp have got two boys aged 8 and 6 and so far (touch wood), no problems with nursery, pre-school or school. They've made friends, and we have as well with other school parents - all very usual and boring!

No doubt something will happen at some point - life's not perfect, but the hope is that we've instilled enough confidence in the boys to at least tell us if something's been said/happened and we'll deal with it.

The boys know - have realised - they're in a fairly unusual situation, but I was heartened a while ago when ds1 said if he could choose, he'd have 2 Daddies (instead of just the 1 he's got and knows). sweet really - didn't occur to him to opt for 1 Mummy and 1 Daddy! Him and ds2 do tend to think very broadly and openly about relationships - they see same sex relationships absoutely equal to heterosexuality - am proud of them

So, go for it and be open with everyone - family, schools, shops, everywhere and good luck!

also, see if there are any gay parenting groups in your area - it might be good to see some couples 'on the job', as it were. You will find that they are exactly the same as any other parents; sleep-deprived, making it up as they go along, devoted to their dcs. It will also be a useful support network when and if you have your own dc, and in turn for the child, to meet other kids in the same situation.

I have a ds with my dp, my ds is now 5, he is a confident, happy, well adjusted little boy and so far he has had no problem with bullies. We have had very few negative reactions from the world at large.

I have developed a confidence in myself.It is this confidence that makes to ready to face the world, be upfront and be prepared to protect my child if needs be. I know I'm a good devoted parent and so is my dp. You have to feel proud of yourself. Have the feeling that any child you may have is extremely lucky to have such a great parents.
Why should you have to miss out on the joys of parenting just because you are not in a heterosexual relationship? Straight folk aren't always great parents, we can't just leave parenting to them!