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LGBT parents

Can we all try and prevent segregation amongst people based on gender sexuality and race?

25 replies

anidea · 22/02/2010 17:13


We have recently been in contact with Olivia Vandyk of mumsnet regarding the practises and values of this website.
Here follows a transcript of that conversation, see what you think:

On 21 Feb 2010, at 08:54, James Wallace wrote:


My girlfriend and I recently heard about your website and we are interested in your tag line "By parents for parents", when the site is called 'mumsnet'.

We think a title such as this propagates a stereotypical view that women are the main parents, and can't quite believe that anyone would think this as acceptable.

We think we as a society have grown beyond the point where such stereotypes are applicable and we hope we have passed the point where they are acceptable.

We look forward to your response.

Yours sincerely,

James Wallace and Tania Pieri

On 22 Feb 2010, at 09:21, Olivia Vandyk wrote:

Hi there

Thanks for your comments. We hope Mumsnet isn't exclusive to mums and indeed we know we have plenty of dads who log on and contribute. If it doesn't sound too pompous we think the concept of "mumming/mothering" goes beyond gender so don't feel mumsnet is too exclusive. We did think of calling the site but it just sounded so hideous.

While the majority of our posters are women, we do have Dadsnet specifically for men to chat here

But folks won't be surprised or bothered by having a male joining in anywhere on the site.

We also have a section for same-sex parents here

Hope this clears up any concerns. Welcome to Mumsnet - do let us know if there's anything else with which we can help
Best wishes

On 22 Feb 2010, at 12:04, James Wallace wrote:

Dear Olivia,

Thank you very much for the response. We're glad to hear that men can and do join in with discussions on mumsnet, but we are somewhat disappointed that there is an apparent need to have separate areas of the sites for dads and gay parents. Every caring parent has one individual goal - doing everything they can to promote the welfare and happiness of their child or children; so why not all work together, talk together, support each other and help promote understanding between different groups whether they are of different gender or different sexual persuasion. These categorisations are irrelevant we believe amongst a community of parents.

We can see that there are definite differences between the sexes in terms of the fact that women are the only gender that get pregnant and have the choice to breastfeed. However, whatever discussions are had between women on the topics of pregnancy or breastfeeding, it would be useful for all parents to join in the conversations so that they may better understand the situation and the difficulties and joys of the process.

We hope you are well and having a happy day,

James and Tania

On 22 Feb 2010, at 12:10, Olivia Vandyk wrote:

Hi James and Tania
I'm having quite a happy day, though the snow is dampening my spirits somewhat as it complicates all manner of the day's logistics!

Thanks so much for your reply.

Your points below actually sound like a great starting point for a a Mumsnet discussion.
The best place to ask for strategies and tips is our Talk board.
You can post and debate this with our users and see what they think.

Our Talk board is where we get all of our hints and ideas on how to handle issues - you'll be in good hands.
One pointer though, as you're a new poster you may want to avoid posting this in our "am I being unreasonable?" topic to start off with as this is our feistiest area which encourages people to be particularly forthright in their replies.
Again, do get back to us if we can help further.
Best wishes

On 22 Feb 2010, at 12:25, James Wallace wrote:

Okay, thank you for the reply, we will post on the site shortly.

OP posts:
posieparker · 22/02/2010 17:17

It's not segregation, it's support. There is no separate talk board for any particular race, although I'm white, but gay parents encounter a different set of issues to me. Not run of mill parenting issues but little things like what their son or daughter may call them , nerves at the school gate and other parents reactions.

These boards work as vital support and common experience, other boards are more general and welcoming to all anyway. Why would anyone have an issue with that? What is your agenda?

StewieGriffinsMom · 22/02/2010 17:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Flightattendant · 22/02/2010 17:24

OP - what is your answer. What do you want MN to be called.

Tell us this and we might consider it, but I am darned if I can come up with anything.

notwavingjustironing · 22/02/2010 17:26

I might be forced to reply with something very impolite soon if you don't stop creating random threads all saying the same thing.

If you don't like us, then go away.

Not segregation, just common sense.

DottyDot · 22/02/2010 17:32
AitchTwoOhOneOh · 22/02/2010 17:46

hey, tan,

i think the point you're missing is that most of us use active convos anyway so we don't pay attention to the sections if the thread looks interesting. i've learned a great deal about children with SN, for example, since pootling about on here, in fact i'd go so far as to say that the inclusivity here has raised my consciousness somewhat.

Lulumaam · 22/02/2010 17:47

oooh, was just coming on here to report the OP again and look ! there's dottydot ! yoooo hooooo ! long time no 'see' x

posieparker · 22/02/2010 17:50

Completely agree Aitch.

LeninGrad · 22/02/2010 18:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sarah293 · 22/02/2010 18:21

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tellnoone · 22/02/2010 18:33

OP, I can't believe you're at this again.

LesbianMummy1 · 22/02/2010 21:31

take it these are our posters they obviously have nothing better to do.

They remind me of my neighbours who have excluded themselves from most residents in our road for being petty about so many things.

TiggyD · 22/02/2010 23:01

I'm not a mum. I'm not even a woman. I'm not a dad either. I can't stand children either. I'm a nursery worker so work with parents a lot.

hester · 27/02/2010 21:03

You know, it works like this: you go to a club with friends, you agree in advance that your 'spot' will be to the left of the bar, just by that pillar near the gents', and you can all gravitate back to that whenever you want to touch base with your gang. That's basically how I understand all the areas of MN - like this bit, or SN, or larger families or whatever. It's not like building brick walls through the club, or having roped-off areas that only certain people are allowed through. it just makes it easier to find each other when you want to; lesbian parents are a very small minority on MN, and though I'd guess most of us spend far more time on other parts of the site than here (I am currently spending wayyy too much time in Property/DIY) it's nice to know where we can find each other when we want to. Oh, and anyone else who wants to come and join the gang is welcome - lots of straight parents join in discussions here, and are of course hugely welcome to do so.

hester · 27/02/2010 21:07

Oh, I should add: it is not stereotypiing to understand that sub-groups of parents have different experiences and knowledge. I very much doubt that many of the heterosexual posters on MN have used a yogurt pot to get pregnant, and if anybody wanted to know how, they would be well advised to start here, not get lost in the general melee elsewhere. If I wanted to know how to use a yogurt pot to make a rocketship, however, I would definitely look elsewhere because I have yet to meet a lesbian mother who can tell me how to make a good rocketship (stick that stereotype in yer pipe and smoke it).

Good luck with your campaign

LeninGrad · 28/02/2010 19:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hester · 28/02/2010 22:16

Hi Lenin! Life very stressful at this end, way too much going on - but I can't grumble, because it's all things that I want to happen, like new house and new child

How's little one? Are you getting a good night's sleep?

LeninGrad · 01/03/2010 10:06

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hester · 01/03/2010 18:19

Excuse me being nosey, but what kind of line of work are you in? (Not expecting you to be specific, unless you want to be!)

LeninGrad · 01/03/2010 18:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hester · 01/03/2010 21:07

Ah, so now I know

LeninGrad · 01/03/2010 21:10

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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MadamDeathstare · 01/03/2010 21:15

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hester · 01/03/2010 21:22

I will take it to the grave, LG. I don't want MI5 knocking at the door...

LeninGrad · 01/03/2010 21:27

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