Time to admit to myself that I have feelings for women?

[HonestyisBliss]

This is the first time I have admitted to myself that I may have feelings for women.

Ever since I was about 13 I have developed crushes on females. The first one was an older girl at my school, the second time it was my best friend at the age of around 15.

A couple of years ago I developed an obsession with a girl from a band to the point were I waited outside a venue at 2am in the morning just to meet her. I wasn't the only one doing that however, there were other women waiting to meet her too but I heard a few of them talking in a way that suggested they were gay.

I now find myself having feelings for a woman I work with.

One time a friend of mine admitted that she was bi and asked if I'd ever been with a woman. I couldn't get away quick enough and made my excuses to leave. Later however I found myself making excuses to go and see her, hoping she'd bring it up again.

In the past I have toyed with the idea of signing up to dating sites in order to meet women but this would merely be a test of my sexuality and I don't want to use people like that.

I have stronger feelings for women then I do for men.

Can anyone help me? share experiences? advise me? I have nobody to talk to about this. I wouldn't dare tell my friends and my family are anti-gay, old fashioned. I feel like I'm always going to have these feelings but be forced to bury them

I am single. I was contacted by a woman on a dating site years ago, she was bi. I very nearly met up with her but chickened out. I just wouldn't know how to act, what to say.

Ironically, I have always made friends easily with men/boys ... but not women. I find it very difficult to make friends with women, perhaps this is why? I really don't know, I have forced myself to "think straight" for years, its hard (but also exciting) to consider the fact that it doesn't have to be that way. But I'm still scared.

Yes I have 2 boys. To be honest, I suspect my eldest is gay. I have always told them that there is nothing at all wrong with being gay. They say "I know" but next minute you hear them saying stuff like "oh that's so gay" or "urgh, get off me gay-boy" etc so I think they do still judge gay as wrong.

I honestly do not know how they would react. They are 9 and 11.

Children are very accepting, and society is more accepting than it used to be.

You only get one life. You may want a full woman-woman relationship; you may kiss a woman and decide it's not for you.

Do you feel you want to make a step towards meeting up with a woman? You don't need any ones elses approval for this.

Yes Scorpio, I really do. But I'm so scared I don't know if I could ever go through with it. I mean, is this one of those "fantasies" that's best left to the imagination? But then part of me thinks I'm free and single, why not just give it a go? I'm not hurting anyone as long as I'm honest.

Perhaps I'm scared I will like it. I really don't know, but it feels SO GOOD to be talking about it finally

I agree that as you are free & single, it's up to you where you put it

I'm not too sure about the fantasy bit....have you seen any RL women you have found attractive in that way?

I thinkthough, if you suspect, and off loading is feeling good, then its more than a 'silly' little wondering.

I have to pop off now but will re-visit later.

Just to echo what LeninGrad and the others have said here - maybe have a look at gingerbeer, a really lovely, friendly lesbian message board - it's boards.gingerbeer.co.uk/ - the families section and the chilled, mature and deep section have both had threads about being in this situation quite recently, I think.

What you say about your feelings about women really struck a chord with me - reminded me of how I felt before someone very kindly jumped me and saved me about 2 more years of agonized wondering! (Cough).
I really didn't want to be gay back then, was terrified of how awful it would make my life. Thankfully I was wrong (and that was ten years ago, a lot has changed). I decided just to follow my feelings and to try to stop worrying about whether this or that made me gay/bi/whatever; just to see how I really felt about the latest person I had a thing about (= the one who jumped me!).

I had kept chickening out of situations where it looked like something might happen, but when I finally didn't, and just tried to follow my feelings and stop thinking about it, things started to make more sense. Trying it out was terrifying but it made things clear for me, which was a massive relief after years of self-inflicted denial and confusion.

So - hope this is helpful, sorry to ramble - hope things seem simpler soon. Try Gingerbeer, everyone is lovely, and there are quite a few people with older (=not toddler) kids.

Honesty... I came out about 6 months ago, married and have 2 children.... I feel such a relief,I cant explain it!

What area are you in?