Advice please --

[mulranno]

I have had fleeting thoughts that my 19 year old brother might be gay. He is in my care now after the recent death of our mother.

Are there any signs? Should I talk about it?

I am just worried that he might be struggling with this as the same time as grieving and I want to be able to support him if he needs me. Although I want to respect his privacy also.

I think that you should let him tell you in his own time, if he is gay.

If he feels that you'll be supportive and not reject him, then he will probably tell you when he's good and ready. I didn't tell my parents for a long time because I knew how they'd react (and I was right, unfortunately). If I had thought they'd be ok, I would have told them sooner. I actually told my sister first as I knew she'd react better.

You don't say what makes you think he might be gay, so I can't say if you're right to be wondering or not, but you could, I suppose, do little things to make him know that you're ok about gayness generally and that you love him, etc etc. Sounds like you're a great sister and that you're probably already doing that. It must be a very difficult time for you both, best wishes.

I dont want to get shouted at for spotting stereo types... but here goes. He is very gentle, softly spoken, shown no interest in girls,very into grooming and diet..has lots of friends (all male) but disappears off alone for unexplained periods of time at night. This happened most nights when we took him away on holiday recently.

Hmmm, difficult. You know him, I think you should trust your instincts on whether a direct question would be welcome or not. I'm inclined to think that you should - if he is, it may be a relief to be allowed to acknowledge it. I remember dropping lots of hints to my mum until she finally asked me outright (I was 19, too) because it felt just too hard to say the words myself. But, you know, I don't think there's a right or wrong in this situation.